Crazy

Sometimes I feel like I am losing it! It, being my ability to process what I hear and see properly. My memory is not as sharp either. I went to my son's home on Sunday and left the card that he and his family gave me. I left the gift of zucchini that I was really excited about cooking too. Other than feeling a bit crazy, I had a wonderful Mother's Day week-end. I had lots of interaction with friends and family. My children all took great care to show their love and appreciation for me.

I went to see my mom and take her a small gift, something she has needed for years. I wanted to take her on a cruise, but her health is not what it should be right now. The cruise deals that are out there are really good from time to time and this particular week they were fantastic.

Instead of getting on a ship, this week I will be trying to secure a job. My youngest daughter and I need to get our living arrangements secured for the next year. She needs to finish her AA degree and I must readjust to life without a husband to provide for us. It has been seventeen years since I had that duty completely to myself, and I am realizing that my memory is not the only thing that age has diminished.

It seems I keep coming back to the same problem areas. So, listen up grands, while you are young, learn to eat foods that will keep you healthy, and do not take unnecessary risks with your bodies. You only get one body to live in for all the years of your life. Be good to your parents, so you can stay at home as long as you want. And lastly, make sure you get an education that will benefit you in to old age.
Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

Dispair

That awkward moment when you realize that it has already been as good as it is going to get in this life, but you have to keep going anyway. You did not see a post from me yesterday, because that is how I felt. Today, however, I read (Psalm 119:37 Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive me in Your way.) and have hope.

I do not know how many friends or people that read this have lost a mate. If you have not, then you do not know the heart crushing, emotional roller coaster of feelings that are a challenge to overcome each and every day. I have had people that were very close to me die and it was hard emotionally, (especially when my grandmother, who was also my best friend, died at the end of 2001,)but a spouse is so different. I want to have joy and I do enjoy time with my family and friends. The grandchildren are sure to bring a smile and the hugs are pure and sweet.

The most difficult emotion seems to be the "guilt" of having a good time. The realization at the end of a day that I woke up, prayed, studied, went on about my business of living and that it might have taken ten or twelve hours before I missed my husband. Then, there are the days when I have spent time with a nice man and had moments of fun or even attraction of a sort, and then do the "comparison game." 

The comparison game is just wrong all the way around. I am not boasting in this, I am confessing, I have done it. I have in the past compared myself to other women, other Christians, other people in general. It was wrong for me to do that then and it is wrong for me to compare men to my dead husband. The comparison needs to be to a standard, not a person. As Billy used to say so often, we all have peccadilloes.

pec·ca·dil·lo

ˌpekəˈdilō/

noun

noun: peccadillo; plural noun: peccadilloes; plural noun: peccadillos

1. a small, relatively unimportant offense or sin.

   synonyms:

   misdemeanor, petty offense, indiscretion, lapse, misdeed

I am a flesh and blood human woman that, much to my chagrin, is selfish and needs the admiration and companionship of a man. My husband was an excellent companion and gave me just enough praise to know that he appreciated me, but not so much that I was overly secure in my "greatness." That presence, the encouragement, the support, the laughing, the arguing, the making up, the deep discussions of our eternal future, has evaporated and left a hole in my being. How does a person recover from that?
Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

Wild and Wonderful

Today I woke up and suddenly had a vision of what I want to do with my near future. My friend Ron owns a restaurant that is open for lunch on weekdays. I love most of his food (part of his menu I will not try because I do not eat pork or shellfish), but some things I think I do better, like pasta salad. I do not want to be tied to a restaurant five days a week, but I would LOVE to produce a Sunday brunch. So, I am in negotiations, well more like an exploration, of opening his place on Sundays maybe 10:30 - 3:00 for brunch/early lite dinner.

I want to prepare the things I love and enjoy, the food I would feed you if you came to eat at my house : A fruit plate and muffins, Johnny cakes with blackberry syrup, quiche, onion soup, corn chowder, a beef tenderloin steak sandwich, salmon and dill infused cream cheese on pumpernickel bread, a tuna stuffed tomato, stuffed shells, a chili frittata, and what I served today, my rancher's bowl.

Please tell me what you think of this endeavor. Those of you who know me and have eaten at my table, tell me what menus stand out in your memory and what I should share. Thanks so much.
Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

May 6, 2014

Thought provoking scripture of the day - Proverbs 6:23 For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life.

I know the short version of the ten commandments by heart and at times have used them as an eye opening exercise in the morning, to refresh myself on how I, a professing Christian, should be living my life. Many of my friends and family think that the fourth commandment is the "test", but I have known for a long time that the first commandment is the one that will make me or break me.  My parents started exposing me to the word of God when I was about four years old. Over the years, I have had times that I refused to read the Bible or attempt to live by it's principles. In retrospect, those times produced some of the silliest decisions of my life.


The stating of "the ten" is found in Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 5. In both places God starts by telling Israel that He is the One that brought them out of Egypt, out of bondage . Then He gives them the keys to a good life and the first is "Thou shalt have no other gods before me." That has always been the test for me, will I humble myself and put God first? Because, no doubt, I am the god that I put before Him. What I want, what I "need", what I "have" to do, are the battles against this command that I face daily. Selfish and willful behavior is, I believe, what God is leading us away from with this first  commandment . Talking with my Creator, reading His inspired word, making God the focal point of my decisions, are choices which I make and lead me out of my personal "Egypt", out of the darkness and in to the light.

This is the beginning of my day, I hope yours will be wonderful. I love you my birth children, I love you my "love" children, I love you my grandchildren.
Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

Reptile Encounter

As I was walking back to the from having visited the beautiful grands that live across the street, I viewed something that was not present when I left a few minutes earlier. Under a wooden chair that I am using for a project, was a black mass that looked like a wadded up bungee cord. Just as I slowed my pace to investigate it was no longer a wad, but a long striking snake. Thankfully, it was striking at a cat that walked up on it, and not me.

I had many thoughts run through my mind about that snake. Although I gathered my shovels and the potato rake and prepared for battle, ultimately I decided to let him/her live. That snake has it's job to do. Since it was a black racer, it was probably there to lounge around before getting down to the business of eating one of the thousands of lizards I have in my yard.

Let me share a few of the thoughts that went through my mind :
1) Maybe it is poisonous and it could hurt me or one of the children. Well the only way that snake was going to hurt me was if I fell over something or had a heart attack trying to get away from it.
2) I wonder why that cat did not kill it. From the way the cat moved a few feet and stretched out, I am going to assume she was not hungry and the heat was making her lazy.
3) God created snakes for a purpose and I should not kill that snake if it is not bothering me. Well the fact that it was on my carport was bothering me, but it was not in my house so I drove it away with my shovel.
4) Why did my dad used to say I was mean as a snake?
5) Did Billy think I was mean as a snake?

It amazes me how many thoughts can run through my head in the course of making a decision. I put away my tools, closed the garage, prayed not to encounter any more snakes and came to the computer to verify that I had made a good decision in letting the snake live (Googled Florida snakes.)Now I know that out of the fifty kinds of snakes in Florida, only six kinds are venomous. I also have found that when I try to have a constructive day and get a lot done, invariably some crazy thing will happen.

Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

Puffy

I have been feeling a little puffy lately, and not just around the eyes. I have not been practicing self control about what I have been putting in my mouth. That has not been my focus lately. But while I was focusing on other things, I found a lot I want to change.

I have been listening when the men I know, or simply encounter, complain about their wives or girlfriends. I take the criticism to heart and wonder whether my best intentions also come across as less than beneficial. What has come to mind is that none of us really enjoy correction. Some of us, whether issuing reproof, or receiving it, handle it publicly, better than others.

In Matthew 15:10-11, Christ tells us that what goes in the mouth does not defile us nearly like what comes out of our mouths. When contemplating this, I realize that unless I eat poison, and die from it right then, I can overcome, with change, the temporary damage certain foods might do to my body or mind. However, the coarse speech, or misspoken word coming from my mouth, could completely ruin my relationship with another person.

So while I will be more resolved to improve the quality of what I put in my mouth, I think the bigger challenge, for me, will be to apply James 1:19 in all the remaining days of my life.

Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

Planning

My chosen scripture for today is Proverbs 8:11 "For wisdom is better than rubies; and all the things that may be desired are not to be compared to it."

As I look around, I see that the world over all is lacking wisdom. Businesses and countries and even some churches are being run by people that only care about their own financial advancement or the power they wield.

I am queen of my own little portion of the world and even here, I KNOW the monarchy needs wisdom. It is my plan to spend this month of May praying for it, exploring ways to employ it, and generally focusing on the wise ways to accomplish the changes I want and need to make in my life.

I encourage everyone that might read this to take a deep look into your life. Observe yourself and determine where you might be lacking in the pillars of good character. I challenge you to take this month to focus on self improvement in that area. The world can only be a better place if each of us works toward making it so.    
Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

The First of Many

Many of the things I have done in my life are not worth repeating. I have been looking through pictures, old and recent, and am frustrated with my backsliding on the diet front.

I know what foods make me feel better physically. I do really well eating fresh fruit as my first snack in the early morning hours. Plums, and apples are particularly good for me and I also love pineapple. Then before I start any physically challenging work, I need to eat some lean protein, like steamed fish or grilled chicken or even a tenderloin steak and some fresh vegetables, like a green salad, or some steamed broccoli. If I am going to eat a food that is mostly made up of carbohydrates, I need to eat it in a portion that is small and toward the later afternoon.


I have to avoid those foods that taste so yummy, the ones that are like a feather bed for the emotions. You know the ones I mean, the cherry cheese Danish for breakfast with a hot cup of coffee, or the six French toast sticks with butter-maple syrup and a big glass of ice cold milk. Those foods are the worst way for me to start a day. My blood sugar rises and I get sleepy and want to fall back in to bed. Worse than that, is how I cranky I get when those empty carbs are used up and my blood sugar  begins to plummet. My tone gets a bite to it, and people begin to wonder why I am so mean.

So folks, I am looking for some matches. The first bridge I want to burn, is the one that leads to the land inhabited by white sugar and all the stuff made with it. This is the first physical step toward a  new and better me.    Until Later ~ Rita Darlene  

What matters most?

This is a post that I started to write on April 21st. but I did not complete it at that time. Like so many other things in my life, I began with gusto and then quit. I am an idea person (I think that is a trait my birth son gets from me.) I can procrastinate so long, that I put myself under too much pressure trying to meet the commitments I have made.

It is Monday night, after 9pm and my youngest wants a burger. We have been burger free this previous week, and truthfully, I would like to stay that way. Krystal and Steak and Shake have provided us enough calories that we will have to diet the rest of the month to stay in our current sized pants.(We did not diet and our pants are straining at the seams.)

Lifestyle changes are what everyone preaches. I think that lettuce wraps are in my near future. I have weighed over 200 lbs. for over 20 years. By the time I turn 53 I want to weigh 155 or less. But the weight number is not the only goal I want to attain. Sure, I want to be shaped in a way that I can buy misses sized clothes, off the rack, at my favorite thrift haunts, but mostly I want to be able to play rigorously with my grandchildren.

I have read and tried many "diets" that work for the time frame that I focus and stay with the program. I have had times that I can say I was a focused Christian. I can look back at times when I was a good mother and grandmother. There have been times when I was a great wife. Many times I have been called an excellent cook. In the years between 2004 and 2007, I was considered a pillar in my local Woman's Club. I know that I have the same twenty-four hours in the day, seven days in the week, twelve months in the year as everyone else, I just have to prioritize my life.


If you read this blog, you will join me as I take the remaining 304 days of being 51, and make changes necessary, to be the best 52 year old I can be on March 3, 2015. My focus in the near future (like the next half hour), will be on reading the Bible, because I find that all the days that I read from it are better than any of the days I have skipped reading it. Here is the scripture for today. This one, I will try to implant in my brain and live by for ever. Matthew 6:33 look it up, if you have a Bible, but start reading at about verse 19 and you will get a glimpse of why, for me, this is what matters most.
Until Later ~ Rita Darlene 

Reminded

I got a text this morning that read "It has been over 15 days since you posted on your blog. You better get back in the wagon or you'll bail on it like I did. That would be a shame." That came  a little after eight o'clock this morning, from my birth son. He had started a weekly video blog when he turned thirty. I could not get started right away because I was baking. These blogs take some focus and I did not want to burn the spice cake that I was creating this morning. Sometimes I write a bunch of things and then delete most of it (so even though you read this in a minute, it usually takes me a lot longer to produce it.) This blog is primarily for my children to have a reference and grandchildren to be able to know DD, in case I croak before they grow up. I really need to make some sort of plan about what I want to tell them over the course of my 365 days of being 51.

My newly created "blooming" apple.

I had to finish the spice cake! It is part of my plan to feed my friends from my list of "get rid of it" food. My pantry is full of stuff that neither I, nor my youngest daughter should eat. I have not been focused on my health and it shows in my britches and I feel it at the end of the day.

We have a covered dish meal to contribute to today ( I made that food yesterday.) I made cornbread dressing. I used the fresh rosemary that my daughter-in-law gave me from her front garden. That dressing will be covered with lemon-butter chicken "shavings." I will also share some creamed peas and a lovely looking blooming apple.

If anyone would like the recipe for the "blooming apple" you will have to make comments on this blog and ask for it. I will be happy to share it. Ok son, I am back in the wagon. I might try to be a bit more prolific with these blogs in the next few days as I missed so many.