Marching

Today is the last day in the month of March. It has been packed with fun. This is the first year I can remember that I am headed in to April without having already filed my income tax. I am usually the person that wants to complete my responsibilities ahead of time, if possible. This state of mind puts me at odds with my son and youngest daughter. Those two have a tendency to procrastinate. My oldest daughter is similarly minded. We do not like the day to end without our tasks being completed.
At fifty-one I have begun to look at things a bit differently. Not better, just differently.

I quit Facebook recently, because I was spending far too much time glancing at kittens and puppies. I first did a one or two day trial and found that no one messaged me. With nearly three hundred friends, no one really had anything to say to me. My grandson has plenty to say and my granddaughter needs to learn to say my name, so I think perhaps I can spend my "FB" time with them each day. 

My grandson has decided, since our cruise, that singing and dancing are talents that he will develop. He now sings to his sister. He takes the rhythm and melody of a popular song and sings words that his sister needs to hear. Yesterday, he sang that she should not cry that everything was going to be alright. He sounded nothing like Bob Marley, but to his sister he must have sounded good, because she took his advice and quit crying.

I have come to think of this blog as a responsibility, but I have lots of other things I must do each day. Taking my youngest daughter to college and work being high on the priority list, tat is what I am going to leave this computer to do now. Until Later ~ Rita Darlene  

Memory Lane

This Sunday morning looks outstanding, from my view here on the couch.  I live in an older neighborhood, with established trees. The branches, of the forty foot oak tree that fills the back of the yard next door, are shaking and shimmering with the strong breeze. We had a great rain yesterday and the moisture that still clings to the new bright green leaves is sparkling where the suns rays have pierced the dense growth.

Sometimes I can almost go in to a trance watching the changing light and the wild life playing on and around the privacy fence in my little private garden. The squirrels, feral cats, birds and the occasional turtle or snake all seem to perform for my enjoyment. I suppose they all do their acts whether I watch or not. Are we that singular? Do our acts change when we are aware someone is watching? I would like to think I am always just "me", but I know better. Certain people, I work hard to impress and others, with whom I am overly comfortable, I might forget to perform the most common courtesies .

I look around my house right now and wonder what happened to me. I once was a fanatic about cleaning and not having anything out of place. That was one of the attributes that attracted my husband when we were dating. He liked walking in to my clean home and smelling what ever the meal was that I was preparing when he arrived. The meals I have prepared in the last six months have been few and far between compared to the eighteen to twenty meals I used to prepare each week.

This morning my breakfast was an apple. I think I will now go make a hot chocolate and sip it while determining where I am going to start in this mess of a house. Until later ~ Rita Darlene

Problems, Poems and Patience

This one hit me right in the painful part of my life right now - my heart.

I can certainly look back and see areas where I could have done things differently. What is the point of looking back? It can not change anything that has already been done. True, but perhaps I can see where my major mistakes were made and avoid repeating them.

Most of my horrible mistakes were and are concerning relationships. From the first relationships of my life with my parents, to the current ones, with them, my siblings, my children and my friends, but most importantly my relationship with God.

Although I admit to being slightly eccentric, I do not think I am unusual when it comes to relationships. I like being around people that make it clear that they like being around me. Sometimes we do not have a choice in relationships, as in family ties, we do not get to choose our parents or siblings. I am aware that my parents could have chosen to give me to someone else, (many times I felt that they, and my siblings, wished I had been donated to some other family at birth.) Most of the time in elementary school you do not choose your teacher.  Often times we begin a job with one boss and in time have a different one. So, all of our relationships are not self appointed, but how we conduct ourselves in the relationship is definitely a choice.

I am making some new friends. Since my husband died, I find myself in new situations, or rather different than they used to be. For seventeen years, I would never have considered whether a man was single, in my age bracket, or would be "a good husband." I had a good husband, I was very satisfied. Now, all of those things cross my mind. It is not that I have ever been blind to whether I considered a person (male or female) good looking or attractive for other reasons, it is that now I am single and I am not satisfied.

Some women are happy in their work, some find joy in their relationships with their girlfriends, some make children the focal point of lives, others can be satisfied with just having the friendship of a man or men. While I find that all of these situations are fine, I am a woman that wants to be married.  I want the intimacy that only comes by being part of a team. Helping people in general, is great, but it is so much more gratifying to reap the benefits of helping one's husband or wife. 

Recently I found a poem  www.youtube.com/embed/AzCUGhdnGvI  that I just can not get out of my mind. I go back to it time and again. I am interpreting it, looking for the reasons it draws me so effortlessly. I admire the ability that Ms. Shire has with words. What a gift to have the capacity to put on paper the essence of her love.

It has been a short six months since my husband died. He will never be forgotten, but it is time for me to quit crying. I want to dance with a flesh and blood man, not just sway to music with my memories. Patience has never been my strong suit, but I think in this matter I will have to learn it. If there is anything I have learned in my fifty-one years, love does not come in a moment, but it never dies.  Until Later ~ Rita Darlene.

Vices and Virtues

This day was really different than the one I had planned. My plan was to help a friend get her furniture moved, go to the 1:20 movie, and then take my youngest daughter to work by 4:30. Well, I never touched a piece of my friend's furniture and at 1:20 I was partly through a day of being my daughter's chauffeur.

My beautiful, twenty year old college girl, is the "rain man" of art. Her drawing talent is amazing. This semester she is also enrolled in a painting class, which has proven to be more challenging for her. Our ability to communicate with each other is  a work in progress. Today, she needed to go to her art studio and then across town to submit artwork to a juried  show (she did not tell me until last night.) We got this done and she was at work early, but my planned schedule for the day was shot.

People are always surprised that my daughter does not drive. I have a very strong belief that she should not be behind the wheel until she has learned to control her diabetes. She nearly died, earlier this year, from acute acidosis. She seems incapable of taking her disease seriously, so, I can not allow her to put herself, and others, in jeopardy, by driving. When we move, I do plan to make sure we are close to a bus route.

The day ended well. I did get to see the movie God is not Dead. The later showing was still only five bucks and it was really enjoyable. The friend that went with me, took me to dinner at my favorite Thai restaurant and we were able to have a relaxed chat and a tasty meal. Once I got back home,  (while waiting for my girl to be delivered home by her boyfriend,) I capped off the evening by eating the last piece of Belgian chocolate and drinking some Dunkin' Donuts coffee. My daughter sent a text after work to let me know I needn't wait up, she and her friends were going out to one of their favorite late night spots.

I went to sleep to the sound of the television and thoughts of my friends and family. My girl came in around 1:30 and I have been awake ever since. The early morning has been spent in contemplation. I ask myself how life can get so off schedule. I now feel like I might be able to get a couple more hours of shut eye before I attempt to start another day. Until Later ~Rita Darlene
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House not really Home

It is Wednesday evening and I am back at the house. The comfort of my "things" around me does not hold the appeal it once did. I am ready to divest myself of any excess and move to a much smaller place. This house has not been a home for a few months. The big draw to living here, has always been the grandchildren living across the street. But now that mommy is home with them, they do not need me like they once did.

It is time to go to work! Anybody want to offer me a job? For the last few years I have not worked outside the home. Inside the home I cooked, cleaned, babysat, organized retreats, paid bills, kept books for my husband's business, planted flowers and herbs, and drove family, friends and strangers around town to various appointments. Does anyone out there need a home manager? Perhaps a live in companion for an elderly or invalid family member?

Life is about to change. I feel it coming ... I hope it is a change for the better. Today was a nice change. My mom came to visit for the day and my daughter and grandchildren joined us for lunch. The four generations of us had a lovely time together. We could not have asked for a more beautiful day to drive around Duval county. We crossed the Ortega river at least eight times today, and each time we did, the view was magnificent. The sun was shining and reflecting off the water like sparkling diamonds.

Right now I need to go make my bathroom sparkle. After that, my kitchen floor needs attention. Then, I have multiple pieces of clothing to iron. My duties seem endless. Is it time to book another cruise yet? Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

Before Midnight

I caught up with some of my local friends today, but there are a few that I need to see in person and a few others I have yet to call. Tomorrow marks six months since my husband died. I will have a busy day, so that I don't sit around crying like I did last month. I will drive my youngest daughter to college, then my mom is coming to visit and meet my excellent hairdresser, Tamara Nelson. We will have lunch and visit with my oldest daughter and her children. In the afternoon, I will work on my taxes and pick up my dry cleaning, set out the recycle bin, and maybe pull a few weeds.

The next day some friends and I will go see the movie God is not Dead. I will price my yard sale items and organize the garage. I am trying to plan my time and get the things done that have to be done, but also have a bit of inexpensive fun. I really am a frugal woman. I very seldom pay full retail for anything.

I need to make a date with my friend Sondra to work out some French lessons. I also want to negotiate some dance lessons for my best buddies and me. I think that will be great fun and good exercise. One of the most important things I have to do is find employment. Life will be no fun at all if I run out of money before I have a way to replace it.

I have not yet completed some of the things I planned for today. So, before midnight, I have something more than this blog to accomplish. Until Later ~ Rita Darlene 

THE RUB

I am back from vacation. The house is not as inviting as it once was and I can already feel the pull to travel again. Before I can do that though, I have to get a few things settled. I am struggling a bit with the fact that I have lived fifty-one years and now find myself unsettled. I used to always have a plan for the next thing I wanted to accomplish. Now, I have to plan to make a plan.

I sit here on the couch and listen to music (the Eagles are singing You Get the Best of My Love) and blog or read stuff on Facebook. I read my Bible and pray for clarity. I meditate and do things for charity. I encourage a friend and yell at my daughter. Sometimes hours or days go by without anyone calling or texting and I begin to wonder whether I am important to anyone at all. (Now Edie Adams sings That's All.)

The truth is, I want a hand to hold, I want someone to kiss good-night, someone with whom to share a poem, a song, a view, a dance, a drive, a future. The thing is I had all of that and more, but the death of my husband, did not kill me. I am alive and I have a lot of life left in me. I have friends that are in sad marriages and I do not want that. I want to be cherished, but not needed. I want to give myself without the expectation that I have to do it all. I want a partner, someone that understands me and loves me anyway. I tend to be selfish about things that are really unimportant. I am unrelenting when I have made up my mind, but I rarely make up my mind about anything completely.

I used to use the expression wishy-washy with contempt, now it describes me! Tonight, for example, I want to get all my laundry washed and put away, but I would walk away from it with a moments notice if my "late night friend" would call me and say let's go eat at IHOP. I want to move from this couch and accomplish something besides this internal inventory. So, until later ~ Rita Darlene

Frolicking in Puerto Rico's Rain Forest

Sunday morning dawned beautifully, here in San Juan. I had my last meal, in the Washington dining room, aboard the
Carnival Valor. I had lots of coffee, two pieces of wheat toast, a vegetable omelet, and a lovely stewed banana. I said farewell to the dining room staff and made my way off the ship.

The next adventure was a tour of part of the 28,000 acre rain forest which is about an hour drive from San Juan. It is lush, it has flowers, it has rocks, it has birds and lizards, it has amazing views (it had me for about four hours.)

Climbing through foliage, at a fifty degree incline, takes a toll on an out of shape woman like me. The pay-off was this astounding view across the island. I could not hear the waves pounding the shore, that was happening too far away, but I sure had an amazing peek at that action. Today, I experienced beauty.

I am satisfied with the way I spent the last week of my life, but I have to say that I am tired! I am ready to get back home tomorrow. I hope the anticipation of  a visit to my chiropractor and my massage therapist doesn't keep me awake tonight.
Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

Sabbath Serenity

It is the last day of my cruise and I am sitting in the internet café here in St. Maarten. The water here in this bay should be a poster for the color Caribbean blue. This port is undoubtedly the most beautiful close up. Things are painted, clean and the foliage is lush. The only drawback I have encountered is that they have an unusually high number of flying insects.




I am missing the fellowship with like minded individuals. I have met lots of interesting people, but miss my everyday friends and the quick encouragement I receive when checking in on Facebook.

Yesterday we were in St. Kitts. Let me tell you that Sweet Pea, our tour guide, was just the most amazingly friendly woman. When I enquired as to how much an acre of land cost there, she offered to find me a husband (that, she said, was the easiest way to immigrate, and she would have one for me by sundown.)

We tried a delicious sugar cake that was made locally from ground sugar cane, ground coconut and ground almonds. My granddaughter had refused to eat much yesterday morning before the excursion, but when offered the sugar cake she spent a few minutes chewing and smiling. She has been the focal point of attention from the dining crew. It helps, I suppose, that she is a real "ham." My grandson gets his fair share of attention also. He has become the darling of our hostess. She has taken him as her dance partner each night, during the wait staff performance.

I will have many stories to share in the days and months to come. I have learned a few of the attitudes I need to overcome. It is going to be a great year for improvement. I hope you all stick around and cheer me on . Until later ~ Rita Darlene

Thrilling Thursday

Good afternoon! It is a cloudy, warm day here in St. Lucia. My youngest daughter and I are sitting at Chef Robby's restaurant, having local snacks and free wifi. The local dialect of English, has a decidedly French twist to it and is a bit hard to wrap my ears around. I found this port to be the most beautiful on the approach. The fingers of this volcano formed island jut out into the ocean and  provide a splendid picture from the ship. It was really cool to see a jet taking off from the airstrip just as we got here this morning.

What I have enjoyed most, here in St. Lucia, are the flirtations of the young men. I know it is ridiculous to be affected by their silliness. I do not know whether it is prompted by the fallacy that all Americans are rich or just the specific job description (to make all unaccompanied women feel attractive), but it works for a minute or two. 

The local lager beer, Piton, is not bad. This is high praise indeed, from a woman that is not a beer lover at all. My daughter is really liking the fried plantains and a local fruit daiquiri. The local drinking age is sixteen, though, on a Thursday afternoon, it does not seem to be abused.

I really just came off the boat to post this and collect my free spice from the port shop of Cariloha. It takes too much time to go see the waterfall of renown on the island and up close the port area is quite dirty and crumbling. I am a spoiled American and look forward to getting back to the comforts provided by the cruise ship. Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

Barbados BABY!!!

I am sitting on the most beautiful powdery white sand beach, under a big red umbrella. In a moment after getting this post out to the net, I am going swimming in the aqua water. The cruise has been a lot of fun so far. Good food, great service, funny comedians, award winning shows and beautiful beaches at our port cities, are the reasons I find Carnival to be such a great value for my dollars.

While sitting here, at the Harbor Lights Beach Bar and Grill, Kevin our appointed staff person has come by to offer rum punch. George the Birdman came by to show his hand carved coconut art, he was a pleasant sort an quite talented. Tony, the jewelry man, came by with necklaces, bracelets, and anklets made from shells, leather, and turquoise. I am really glad I brought limited cash, so I have a good excuse for not buying from these friendly natives. The manners displayed, from all I have encountered, put us Americans to shame.

I have no money to speak of, but I must say that sharing these experiences with my girls, makes me feel rich. I am a blessed woman. It is so cool to see my grands in different situations. My five year old grandson is smarter than I could have imagined. He has blossomed under his mother's home school tutoring. My year old granddaughter, though unable to say very many words, certainly gets her point across. They draw people like magnets to steel. I have got to enjoy this time while it is available. Until Later ~Rita Darlene

Full Moon Frenzy

Our vacation trip began in the middle of a full moon. This was a shot taken very early on March 16th, just as we were putting all the luggage in my minivan. I felt nauseated from a stomach full of coffee and the lack of sleep. The night before I got a massage, cooked for some friends, stayed up packing and paying bills that would be due while we are gone; basically I got no sleep. We made it to the Jacksonville airport on time and caught our flight to Ft Lauderdale, where we changed planes to fly to San Juan, Puerto Rico.

On the flight to PR, I spoke with a lovely couple from New Hampshire. They had recently become engaged and were in route to St Marten. Their day before had been spent at a  friend's wedding in Florida. I think myself a perceptive person, and I perceive that there was an open bar at the wedding. We, the gentleman and I, were seeing who could ingest the most vodka, (at five bucks a pop) on our short flight. He was fighting a hangover and the fear of flying, and I was determined to have drinks on my vacation, but not the ten dollar variety on the ship.

It is amazing how much information we give to strangers, especially when we share a common activity. I never introduced myself, but I did give them the address of this blog.(Hi lovely couple from New Hampshire.) It was rude, I know, to talk of my family and vacations past, inquire about their upcoming nuptials and their accommodations in St. Marten, while never exchanging names. We are living in a world that requires no formal manners, (I will save my rant about that for another time, while giving loads of information about my life to strangers.)

Once arriving at the airport in Puerto Rico, we utilized the services of a very handsome baggage handler. I felt bad for him, because it was obvious that the woman in charge of the taxi delegations, did not like him. I joked that it was because he was prettier than her. We ended up going upstairs to the arriving flights area to hail a taxi.

I took a few pictures on the ride to the port. Let me warn you all that I am a horrible photographer. I can admire a view, but I sure have a hard time getting it to translate to a picture. The adage about a picture being worth a thousand words, does not apply to my pictures.


My older children get frustrated with me because I do not have any of the skills that they developed in college. All three of my birth children have artistic ability : my son is a photographer, videographer, freehand artist, graphic designer, painter, poet, musician (generally an extremely talented guy), my older daughter is an exceptional photographer, and she does amazingly artistic things to cakes, my youngest daughter is ok with a camera, but the art she can produce with a pencil and paper is astounding. I am pretty sure that the raw talent was handed down through my DNA, but I have not taken the time to hone any natural talent I may have. I hope to do just that this year. Perhaps my blogs will improve as I do. Until Later ~Rita Darlene

St. Thomas on St Patrick's Day

WOW! I feel like the most ridiculously stupid person of the computer aged world. It has taken me 30 minutes of this beautiful morning in St. Thomas to connect to the internet at the Barefoot Buddha. The net on Carnival ship Valor costs 75 cents per minute, so this net for $5 is a bargain. Bargain is one of my middle names.

We docked around 7a.m. this morning and this was the view from my balcony. The balmy breeze hit my face and I knew I had to hurry up and get out and experience the day.

I tried to wake my youngest daughter (today is her birthday), but she was having none of it. It really aggravates me that I room with a person who wants to sleep her birthday away while we are in paradise.  

I want so much to stay here and write, but I must go get on a sky lift that will take me up to the top of the hill/mountain to see some more amazing vistas.

Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

THIS WEEK I DREW ON MY GRANDSON'S OBSERVATIONS

On Monday, my 5 year old grandson and I were outside getting some vitamin D and cleaning out the flowerbed we put in last year. As he was pulling up some dried up coleus, he said "DD this happened because of the polar vortex."  This child is brilliant and is spot on in his observations.

Tuesday we were talking about how someone that wears a size eleven, needed a new pair of athletic shoes. I mentioned that a crazy looking pair my husband had only worn three times, were available.  The boy pops up from his homeschool desk and says "Papa is dead, so he won't wear them any more."

Wednesdays, he goes to an enrichment class away from home. There, he gets to interact with other young ones. It is good for him to be among his peers, as too much time with adults seems to have convinced him that we are his peers. This has been manifested in a series of interesting verbal faux pas : he called out to his father by his first name, he referred to my friend, as "Deb",  instead of Miss Debra, he told his mother she needed to watch her words, and he decided to correct a statement that I made to an acquaintance as soon as it came out of my mouth.

Thursday he went to his speech lesson, at which time his speech therapist confirmed that he is very intelligent. This was based on his description of a picture of a flower as "it has petals and bees use it to gather nectar."

Friday, we road to Live Oak in the same vehicle. We did not have much conversation, due to his being completely involved in the game he was playing on is mother's smart phone. At one point he did say he was thirsty and I offered him my water. He accepted the glass, but before he put it to his lips he asked if I was sick. Self preservation is, I guess, part of the intelligence quotient he possesses.

It is now Saturday morning and I long to see him, (and his sister, but she doesn't say much yet) and hear about the world as he sees it. Before I go over to listen to the boy, I really must listen to and talk with my DADDY. My days and weeks are filled with the time in between the joys of talking with my children, and grandchildren, other family and friends that feel like family. When I stop to contemplate, I realize that our lives are made up of series upon series of observations.


I hope that as I share some of my observations with you, that you will also share yours with me. 
Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

Editing!

In an attempt to avoid heartache and pain, I tend to keep my own counsel instead of garnering the views of others. According to Proverbs 15:22 ("without counsel, plans go awry, but in the multitude of counselors they are established") I may be setting myself up for difficulties. So many times, I really do not want to hear what others think about my choices. Like most selfish people, I want to think that what I am doing is accepted - let's save the criticism for someone else!

Last night, on the road home from Live Oak, the girls and I were talking about various things. I queried my oldest daughter as to how many of these blogs she would edit. She replied "All of them." Immediately that response hurt, but then she followed with something like "Not so much for content or grammar, but punctuation." Okay, this, I know, is one of my weaknesses. The strategically placed comma can be so elusive. Ron, my friend that owns Judson's restaurant, told me last week, "Keep writing Rita, but use your punctuation!" That had been quickly barked at me as I was going out the door, and since he had to leave off speaking to someone else to say it, I basked in the acknowledgement that he was reading instead of the critique.   

We can not avoid evaluation, it is a necessary part of life. From kindergarten to retirement, we are constantly being graded against the model. For those of us that claim Christianity, we are always having to ask ourselves how Jesus would have done it. Many, like me, strive for perfection in all that we attempt, while others are satisfied with mediocrity. The need to do things well, can be very limiting. Not many people can hit a bulls eye with the first throw of a dart. Being great at something takes practice, and if one is unwilling to put in the time to achieve greatness, he or she may have a life full of one time experiences.

Time and practice are not the only investments one makes in acquiring a skill. We also have to accept instruction and be able to own our imperfections. There are times when I recognize that  another person's opinion or perspective would help me gain clarity on a situation. Other times I am caught up in my delusions of perfection. This blog is mostly for me. That having been said, I welcome your feedback. I do not want a one-sided life.  Until later ~ Rita Darlene

Favorite People, Places and Pastimes

Sunset at Doctor's Inlet

There is  a lot going on for me this week, but not so much that I couldn't take the time to get together with my buddies for a sunset picnic out at Doctor's Inlet. The weather was a bit cool, but the company was warm and the food was tasty. As you can see the scenery was just gorgeous.

My grandson had his first steak that he seemed to enjoy very much. His sister really liked the sweet potato casserole. Also on the menu was black bean soup, tossed salad, pickled beets and a dollop of vanilla ice cream. We all left with a full belly.

This was my third time picnicking at this park. Each time the group has been a bit different with four key members staying the same. It is a wonderful thing to have friends with whom you have fun and really enjoy each others company.

Tomorrow I get to hang out with a different group of folks in another beautiful Florida town and I will be posting from Live Oak. Now I am off to make a fruit salad to share with my loved ones. The recipe follows.

Rita's Fruit Salad
3- 20oz cans chunk pineapple
1 - 29oz can of mandarin oranges
1 - 15oz can of mango slices (chopped)
1 cup sweetened shredded coconut
11/2 cups of sour cream
2 cups of mini marshmallows or mallow cream
1/2 cup pecan halves
combine all ingredients chill overnight and serve

Until later ~ Rita Darlene

LISTING !

I have committed myself to this blog and feel compelled to make sure I write something every day. There is always some tidbit that is significant to me, but may not interest you at all. My son says the most popular blogs are written by people that do it regardless of who else reads it. I am doing it because I have always wanted to write and it is cathartic.

So today I am contemplating the seemingly endless things I need to do. I have to file the final tax return for my husbands business and our personal return. Blah paperwork! It would not be nearly so bad if I knew what I had done with all the papers. It was my plan, early on (after my husband died) while I was still running on adrenalin, to have everything ready on January 5th. I did not have it ready, because by then, I was too busy running away from my life.

Another thing on the list, is getting rid of the excess stuff that I have been accumulating since December 2001,when my paternal grandmother died. Her death was a life changer for me. I started shopping and buying things I didn't really need. Until then, I had always been the kind of person that got rid of anything that I had not used in the past twelve months. Maybe it was some sort of coping mechanism. My grandmother and I were very close (the first person you call in the morning, while you drink your coffee, kind of close.) I had promised her she would not be sent to live in a nursing home and was able to fulfill that promise. She lived with us the last six months of her life and that changed our relationship. She was a woman of substance that had always been the one to help others. She had helped me all my life. It was uncomfortable, for both of us, for me to be the one giving all the help. At the end, she was in so much pain it was difficult for her to be awake very much. She slept later and later in the morning and I had already had my coffee by the time she wanted hers.

I desperately need to work in the yard. It has been on the list since last winter/spring when my husband was going through his battle with melanoma. I bought plants at the discount nursery right down the street from his oncologist's office. I would put them in the area of the yard that I wanted to plant them and then never do it. By the time that we got through breakfast and morning meds, talking through the plans for upcoming appointments and taking our daughter to college or work and sometimes taking our grandson to 4K, then me to the chiropractor, the cool of the morning was gone. I had no energy for planting at my house where the sun hits the front yard about 10:30 and doesn't let up until sundown. I did, however, plant a little shaded garden with my grandson at his house.

I also have to pack for my upcoming trip. This past week I bought some colorful cotton dresses to be able to wear on the ship and in the heat of the Caribbean islands we will be visiting. It has become a tradition for my oldest daughter and her family to share their time with us on an annual cruise. We like to go in the spring, but last year we had to wait until August, because the baby girl was not old enough to go until her brother's birthday. It was terribly hot, but my daughter and my husband thrived in it. My younger daughter, my son-in-law, and I all prefer the air conditioning, but we haven't found any beaches with AC.

            

Well, I have finished one thing on my list for today! Until later~ Rita Darlene

 

Getting Back On Track

It is 3:45 am on Tuesday, March 11th. I would like to congratulate my nephew and his lovely wife on completing their first year of marriage. I hope you enjoy the anniversary and each other today. For everyone reading that has a spouse - call her to say I love you, tell him how much you appreciate him in your life, kiss and re-kiss daily. You never know when the ability to have that intimate moment will be taken away.

Those that know me well would never accuse me of ever having had a normal life. So instead of claiming that I want life to get back to "normal", I will state that I want it back on track. For seventeen years my days were infused with requests from my husband, things that he wanted me to handle. Those petitions ranged from something as small as "please scratch my back" to the hardest and final request "call the ambulance!"

That final plead was on September 26, 2013 and since then none of my days have felt right. It is as though I have been askew, not plumb, sometimes bewildered, mostly off track. Maybe I have done a good job of outwardly looking alright. I have paid the bills on time, made and kept appointments, planned dinners and vacations, bought clothes and cleaned out our closet, but it has all been done through the fog of grief.


The people around me have been great. Friends near and far have been supportive. I have been bolstered by other widows, encouraged by family to try and be happy, advised by strangers to "take it slow" and derided by those that thought I was moving on too fast. The words that I have not heard and I have needed each day, are those three little words that entail so much when spoken from your life partner.

My unsolicited advice for today is to tell those you love how much they mean to you. Also, give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Though they may look fine, you never know what life challenges a person may be going through.
Until later ~ Rita Darlene

I found it !

What a great day this was. After a week of rainy, dismal, cold days, the week-end was just beautiful. My day today started really early - just in time to set the clocks forward. About 9:30 some friends and I met at the park on Doctor's Inlet and had a picnic breakfast. Our menu was quiche, pears filled with cottage cheese, sausages with sautéed onions and apple pie. Mine was accompanied by Dunkin' Donuts coffee. That meal gave me enough energy to go shopping at one of my thrift haunts. I was looking for a few pieces to take with me to San Juan next week. I hit the jackpot and got something for my daughter also.

When I stopped by to deliver the gift, I got to spend some time with my grands. It had been a few days since we had seen each other as they were up in North Carolina visiting another of their grandparents. My granddaughter has just turned a year old and is starting to pick up the pace of her walking speed. She has the sweetest little babbling voice and my mood improves every time she says DD and smiles at me.

You all may know me as Rita or even Darlene if you are my family or a really old friend, but all my grandchildren know me as DD. This name was given to me by my oldest biological grandson. My son and daughter-in-law asked what I would like to be called. My request was Grandy, but the beautiful boy just couldn't say that, his attempts came out DD. Nine years later that moniker is mine and used by all of the grandchildren (biological and those that are mine through love and marriage.)

I have ten grandchildren that claim me as their DD, although only six of them carry my DNA. The young ones range in age from seventeen years to almost six months and each one of them has a piece of my heart.  The only thing that I can think of that could have made today better, would have been to see all my grands, to have them smile when they said "hey DD!" Until later ~ Rita Darlene

Lost on a Sunday

My first attempt at publishing a post today was lost. I do not know where it went. I use a PC with Windows 8. I am not very proficient with Windows 8 as the last computer I used had Vista. My son keeps telling me to get an Apple. My youngest daughter has one and she never complains of losing her work. I really can not say which kind of computer is better, but I can tell you that I need lessons on how to use my operating system.

I had written a fairly long bit about my day and my love of my grandkids ... then poof it was gone.  I wish the blog was the only thing that just disappeared. Earlier this morning an hour disappeared, now the day is almost over and I still have not posted.

I had a great day. Some of it was spent with friends, some of it with family, some of it shopping, other parts cooking and doing laundry. I had planned to pack for my upcoming vacation, but that plan got lost in the shuffle of life. I hope that I am more in sync with the time change tomorrow and that I do not lose anything that can not be replaced. I do take comfort in knowing that many of the people I encountered today felt a little off their game because of the time change. Until later ~ Rita Darlene

Rest Required

"I'll sleep when I am dead" is a common quip from one of my friends that constantly overcommits. I have, in times past, had the mindset that the things I wanted to do or needed to do were more important than getting some shut-eye. I do not make a practice of stressing my body, mind and spirit that way. I have noticed from years of watching my children and grandchildren, and the view in the mirror that losing sleep will make a person sick.

For at least eighty percent of my life I have practiced keeping the Sabbath as written about in the scriptures of the old testament and the new. By doing this, every Friday evening through the whole day on Saturday until sunset our family would leave anything that had to do with making money or even schooling (the job of most youth) "at the door" so to speak. As the Sabbath approached we would enjoy a family meal, sometimes including extended family or another family from the congregation with whom we attended Sabbath service. Our conversation would be centered on lessons we had learned that week and how we might improve our attitudes. We would speak of the miraculous things that we encountered and the times during the week that we knew God  intervened for us in our lives. Life slowed down every seventh day and we rested. Saturday was the day to sleep in or possibly take an afternoon nap. We did not have to think about going to work or school, we did not go shopping, or mow the grass. We did not wash the car, do home maintenance, or go to the movies. Our meals were planned and prepared in advance so that there was not a lot of stuff to take care of in the kitchen. We rested.

Yesterday in the early evening some friends and I went to Olive Garden and had drinks and dinner and we were home by dark. Today I am enjoying the beautiful sunshine and the chirping of the birds outside the big picture window in my living room. I have been thinking on and appreciating the great things that have happened in the past seven days. Pretty soon I will go heat up a piece of quiche that I made yesterday and perhaps have a nice cup of tea for breakfast. I'll read Proverbs 8 and probably the whole book of James and then I will get dressed and go to the Sabbath meeting and learn something. Hopefully some of the folks there will tell me how God intervened in their lives this past week.

I am a creature of habit. Some of them I intend to break over the next year, but the practice of resting on the seventh day will not be one of them. If anything, I would like to get back to preparing more and focusing more on the rest that my creator planned for me each week. Until later ~ Rita Darlene

Transformation in Progress

I got a call yesterday from a gentleman that I spoke with back in November on the topic of life insurance. I know that I need to purchase some insurance so that my children are not left to bury me without the funds to do so, but I am not interested in paying any more for it than necessary. His call got me thinking about weight loss and the lower premiums for people at a healthy weight. I have been overweight for nearly 20 years. I never really recovered my girlish figure after the birth of my last child. 

I joined Weight Watchers on November 7th and have lost a little over 30 pounds to date. I missed my weigh in on Monday from lack of planning. That was my birthday and I ate with my mom at Ruby Tuesday, a lunch of salad, sliders and French fries. Then while running errands I had a coffee from Dunkin Donuts and a package of Reese's cups. Since then I just have not felt good. I do not understand why I can not seem to keep the connection between what I eat and how I feel at the forefront of my mind.

Today (Thursday) I made better choices. My youngest daughter felt bad about leaving me home alone on my birthday, so she took me out for lunch. We went to Judson's at the corner of Oak and Barrs (in the Riverside area of Jacksonville.) Ron makes a pasta and veggies dish with a garlic sauce that I have tried unsuccessfully to duplicate since I first ate it back in 2008. I had that and a large salad with a balsamic vinaigrette he makes. This was so good and so filling with no regrets.



I will achieve my weight loss goals eventually. Perhaps they will be attained during this 365 days of being 51. Hang with me while I transform my life. As this year goes by, I will show you proof that as we get older, we can get better.

I have a vacation coming up on March 16 and between now and then I have a goal to reach. It is a smaller sized bathing suit than I have worn in ten years. This year I want to get a tan while visiting the Caribbean. Until later ~ Rita Darlene

Surely I am not unreasonable!

 

 

 

 

Today in my reading of the Proverbs I was feeling really uncomfortable with the subjects in chapter 6. Especially around verse 9 where it discusses the sluggard and in verse 11 when it says your poverty will come on you like a prowler. So I hurried past that topic and got to the next and I realized that I had never looked up the definition of the word perversity.

 

I have read these Proverbs many times. My habit is to read the chapter that coincides with the date (roughly every other month I get the joy of seeing just how far I fall short of Solomon's/God's idea of the perfect woman.) The point is, after years of reading these verses, I said to myself "exactly what does perversity mean?" So, I got the oldest dictionary that I own - Webster's copyright 1940. It said that perversity was the quality of being perverse.

 

per verse   to pervert, corrupt, overthrow    Turned aside from the right; turned to evil; obstinate in the wrong; froward ; stubborn ; intractable ; cross ; petulant ; untoward

 

Well then! I can not speak for everyone, but most of these words are not in my every day vocabulary. Stubborn usually shows up every few days, the word cross was a staple in my elementary school reader, I have said the word obstinate a dozen or so times in my life, petulant has come out when dealing with some children over the years, but I usually have to read the others. 

 

I needed to have a modern day understanding so I used GOOGLE. 

 

pərˈvərsitē/

noun

noun: perversity; plural noun: perversities

1. 1.

   a deliberate desire to behave in an unreasonable or unacceptable way; contrariness.

   "they responded with typical perversity"

   synonyms:

   contrariness, awkwardness, recalcitrance, stubbornness, obstinacy, obduracy, mulishness, pigheadedness; More formalrefractoriness "out of sheer perversity, he refused" unreasonableness, irrationality, illogicality, wrong-headedness "the perversity of the decision"

2. 2.

   the quality of being contrary to accepted standards or practice.

   "the perversity of being able to carry a gun but not purchase a drink"

Ok. I now can continue on with my day. Oh no! I must find out about panhandler.

These sorts of detours are the reason that some days I feel as though I have accomplished very little and why the first verses of chapter six scare me a bit. Until later ~Rita Darlene  

 

What's Cookin'

It is midafternoon here in northern Florida, the liquid sunshine is dripping off the eaves of the house making it's own kind of gentle music. It has gotten colder as the day progresses and I wonder how many days I have before the heat will envelope us and I will have to run the AC constantly.

I am considering putting in a garden so that I can have organic produce as close as my back door. Last year I grew some herbs and enjoyed using the fresh basil, mint, rosemary and thyme in various ways. I want to expand and grow squash, onions, bell peppers and tomatoes along with even more herbs.

I love to cook if there are other people to enjoy it with me. My baby girl is in college and works part time at Publix and has a boyfriend that takes her out quite a bit, so she rarely eats a meal with me. Consequently, I have spent entirely too much money on eating out or buying food that I never cooked. One of my friends always tells me to keep it simple, he would eat grilled cheese sandwiches every day and be happy about it. My husband was like that with beans and franks. My palate wants variety.

Today I am making French Onion Soup. This is one of the meals that is accepted by all who have ever dined with us when it was on the menu. It is one of those things that takes time to eat. The molten lava of bubbly melted cheese requires a bit of cooling before allowing it to rest upon the tongue. It is the best soup for conversation at the table and tonight I want to speak to my daughter about her life plan.

I do not recall ever having a conversation with my parents about a life plan. I think we all expected that I would graduate high school, go to college and have some kind of employment before being married to a boy from church. That is not exactly how it happened.  My daughter will turn twenty on March 17th. By her age, I already had two children and a failed marriage. Sometimes as a parent it is hard to open up and confess to your children that you do not have all the answers, but I believe it is crucial to allow them the benefit of possibly learning from our mistakes.

Perhaps I will just go have a sip of the Chardonnay that I use in the broth of the soup. I will slip on a sweater and read for a few moments before addressing the weightier matters of life with my teenager.
Until later ~ Rita Darlene

WHY DOES THE DATE CHANGE AT MIDNIGHT?

Hello! It is just past midnight, and unfortunately, I am awake. So now I am listening to some of my favorite songs, Etta James is telling her man how she would rather be blind than to see him walk away from her and now Adele says she should not be underestimated. Songs about strong women and men being made weak by love are common on my playlist. It seems that to love and be loved in return is the motivation behind a huge portion of the human condition (or maybe just in my white-bred, spoiled American world.) I have loved and do love many people. The attraction is not always immediate, some people just "grow on you."

I am not a widely traveled person, but everywhere that I have gone, it seems people all want the same things: food, shelter, and  a way to produce the money to provide those things. Most people want a better life than their parents and most parents also want that for their children. I have noticed though, that the young people are staying at home much longer, (if they are allowed) and that it is nearly impossible to have the kind of home in which I grew up. My dad worked a job and brought home the money and mom took care of the house and us kids. She made our meals, and dad cut our grass and did the tune-up on the car. Our entertainment was the occasional Disney film at the local theater or Saturday night card games around the kitchen table. The thing I really miss the most is the way people spoke to each other and listened.

Perhaps I will be able to sleep now. Bonnie Raitt is explaining that she will give up the fight, and give up her heart because she can not make someone love her. I feel that sentiment often enough. If you keep reading my blog, I might just "grow on you." Until tomorrow ... ~Rita Darlene

I am an early "BIRD."

Good morning! It is 6:15 am EST as I start today's blog and I have been up for a while. I am doing some laundry, and I scrubbed the tub and ran an entirely too hot bath (here I am waiting for it to cool.)

I try to read the Proverbs of the Bible each day and meditate on how I can be a better person by the application of what I have read. A couple of the verses from yesterday struck me. Prov.  3:27-28 Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in the power of your hand to do so. Do not say to your neighbor, "Go and come back tomorrow, then I will give it," when you have it with you.

It was not always my attitude to give to people that asked for my help. I learned it from several key influences over the years. There are many ways to give and I have been blessed to receive from some really great givers.

My mother and father are not monetarily wealthy people, but they have always been hospitable. My mother loves getting to talk with people, asking them about their lives and sharing hers with them. My dad is less talkative, but he loves his family and treasures the time with us. He gets to know lots of people because he listens while mom "interrogates" the guests. This usually happens during and after a meal that they have provided for whatever guest is there. Growing up, my siblings and I could always invite our friends home and be assured that mom would feed them and find out all about their families.

My husband taught me to give to those my dad called "panhandlers." (Having written that, later today I will have to find the meaning behind the saying.) My husband hardly ever kept much cash in his pocket because if asked, he would give it if he had it. I snapped at him once early in our marriage because he gave the ten dollars he had to a young black man that asked him for some money for food.
First he told me that he earned that money and could do with it as he pleased and he would prefer I not snap at him. Then he proceeded to explain his reasons for giving to those that asked. His mindset was truly amazing "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." He said that if he had to ask someone for money to eat and they had it, he sure hoped that they would give it to him so that he wouldn't have to think about stealing to eat and that he would not have to lose his dignity by having to ask a lot of people. I have tears now thinking of the loving man from whom I no longer have the opportunity to learn.

Tears from the loss of my husband were the conduit that enabled me to be influenced by my latest mentor. The day after Bill died I was so stressed, that my oldest daughter and her husband each gave me an hour of their massage time from Massage Envy. That two hour period started me down the road of massage as release from all the stresses of life. Over the course of a month I had different therapists until I had my first "accidental" massage with Sam. I was hurting and he was in (on his day off) helping one of his regular clients and he agreed to stay and give me an "emergency" booking. That day as I began to tear up toward the end of our session, he asked if I wanted a hug. And a hug from a stranger has turned into a beautiful friendship. From Sam I am learning to look at things differently, to give people what they need, not just what I think they need. From his example, I am learning to "get over myself" and stop being so selfish. He also has some interesting child rearing tactics which my children can be happy I did not employ.

I better get to that bath. The day is getting away and I have lots of stuff to do for myself and others. Until tomorrow ~Rita Darlene

My 51st Birthday

Today, I woke up pretty much the same way I have for the last fifty-one years ... my bladder made me. After the flush, as I was washing my hands, I looked myself in the mirror and realized I will not be around forever.

I watched my husband of seventeen years die last September. He did not leave any written messages to our children and grandchildren. I want to leave something for them (and you) to have as a way to remember me. I guess that is a bit of vanity and I will not deny it.

I am sitting alone in a darkened living room writing this on my birthday. Earlier today my mom came to town and bought me lunch and gave me a new set of towels as a gift. My oldest daughter gave me a gift certificate for a massage. My younger kids told me happy birthday. Several friends wished me happiness on my Facebook page, a couple of friends called. Even Ron, the guy that came to repair the central heat said "Happy Birthday."

It was a good enough day, but did I make good decisions all day? Not really (see picture.)

I have shed thirty pounds since November 7th, it was forty until I started making some poor choices after a surgery I had in February. Perhaps as I write and share, my cravings for junk food will diminish. Until tomorrow ~Rita Darlene