Early Morning Musings

Today is Veterans Day 2014, and a big deal in this patriotic small town where I currently hang my hat (or scarf.) My youngest daughter had to be at work by seven this morning, and since I am her transportation, I was up at five and out of the shower and dressed half an hour later. I went outside to take the chickens some scraps from the kitchen and was overwhelmed by the beauty of the early morning sky.

The egg shaped brightness of the moon, was reflecting off the dew that lay on the leaves of my mother's bottlebrush tree. The effect was stunning and had me throwing my head back to observe the other lights in that inky darkness. I have a greater understanding of that old saying "it is always darkest just before dawn."

I did not stay out long ; I was in my tank top and it was a bit chilly. I made my girl some breakfast and when I next looked out light was changing and the landscape of this twenty acres was beginning to be revealed. As I was driving the several miles up to the only Publix in this county, I had to apply the brakes rather quickly to avoid ruining the front-end of my Toyota van. Two, four-legged shadows on my left suddenly were making their way across the country road, in to the stand of six year old pines on my right. As the does crossed in front of my headlights they slowed and I got a good impression of the graceful long slim legs, and rounded rumps that they possessed. Perhaps they will make it through this year's hunting season; If I had been going any faster they would not be alive now, and I would certainly not be writing about our encounter.

The rest of the trip to town was uneventful. I had a bit of conversation with my daughter, though to be fair, it was mostly me talking and a nod or shake of the head from the passenger seat.  The "highway"129  was empty, no headlights in either direction on a main traffic route, that on any other Tuesday in November would have a stream of halogen for miles. On the way back to my parents home, I noticed, as I looked east, toward Jacksonville, that there were multiple airplanes backlit by the rising sun; the pattern of their contrails looked like disappearing white punctuation on the soft blue expanse above the trees.

It was a lovely early morning. By nine, the folks participating in the parade will be making their way to the library to prepare for the mile long journey of waving and smiling at the neighbors and business people lining the route. The quiet will be replaced by the clamor of  marching bands, the loud discussions of  nearly deaf men, and the laughing of the little children and women watching over it all.

My life here in Live Oak is so different than the one in Jacksonville, but blessed all the same by the Creator God who formed me and watches out for me and leads me when I follow.

Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

Sunday Sunset

It was a glorious sunset this evening. The temperature was lovely, no bugs biting, quiet except for the crickets rubbing their legs together. I miss the easy trips across Jacksonville to visit a friend. The midnight excursions to take brownies to my adopted family are not really possible out here in the woods, but there is a peacefulness that I enjoy.

Relaxation

So many times I think I just need some time to relax my mind and body. The God I know built that time in to each week. Genesis 2:2-3 Happy Sabbath y'all!

This looks like an amazing way to be clean, refreshed and relaxed!

Makes me want to head for the mountains.

Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

Friends, Foes and Followers

The mid-term elections are over in these United States and those of us who choose to watch television, as a form of entertainment, can finally be free of the mudslinging commercials for a few months at least. Now, my evenings seem to be bombarded by attorneys trying to get my attention so that they can represent me as I sue one of the automotive companies due to malfunctioning something or other.

I do watch a bit of television, but it seems that the shows I like get cancelled or lose the extremely talented writers that got me hooked on the show. I am saddened when a well written law drama suddenly becomes a night time soap opera.

Lately, I have begun to think that I am wasting my life sitting in front of a television. I need to get my big butt up off the couch and live. I will be looking for some dance lessons that will work with my obligations of time.

Speaking of time obligations, I have been living with my parents since September, when my mom was discharged from the rehab center where she was recovering from her latest stroke. I have been cooking and cleaning and doing my folks laundry. Sometimes I am also the chauffer. As my mom progresses in her recovery, I have more free time to take care of myself and plan a future. I see a future with no television. I have seen more ridiculous shows in these few weeks than in the previous few years.

It is funny, in a sad way, to see people making decisions based on what their minds are fed from TV. I have heard all sorts of slanderous mutterings repeated, especially about our current president. I think the little guy Napoleon Bonaparte said it well ...
  “Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence.”

My words are cathartic for me and not meant to hurt or maim anyone. Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

Peace Piece

I love people. I enjoy meeting folks and talking with them about their lives. I seem to have at least a few things in common with most of the individuals I have spoken with over the years. Perhaps it has been a fluke, a matter of time and chance, or just fortuitous geography, but I find that I like most human beings.

It is rare for me to meet someone that I do not find attractive in some way. I am not blind, so many times the attraction is physical; I am a sucker for a great smile. I also am not deaf, so sometimes the attraction is a beautiful voice, or the words being spoken. Sincerity and intelligence are very attractive to me. I am also drawn to people that have a quick wit. Compassionate people are gems in our self absorbed society, but I try to keep my distance so they do not look at me too closely.

Am I alone in this idea that human beings can find things to like about each other. Are we so busy disliking each other's choice of music or salad dressing, political stance, religious preference, and /or life partner that we forget that we really have more in common than we have differences.

Peace begins within. Acknowledging that finding common ground is not so hard, is not the same as actually doing it. I challenge us to go make a friend of that person over there, yes the one that does not seem likeable.

Until Later,
Rita Darlene

Flying Time

I just perused my last blog post and realized  have not been keeping the gut wrenching, soul baring, and late night crying vigil current. So here I am back at the laptop, typing out my joy and pain, while hanging out at Baptist Medical Center with my momma. She has told me that she misses my blog and she questions me on some of the events of my life of which she was unaware. I guess even my momma was getting to know me better from this venue.

Lots of things have happened in my life since June 15th (my last blog.) I have passed my Florida CNA test and am now licensed to provide the care my mom will need when she goes home from the hospital. I thought I would be living in Live Oak, FL by July, but that did not happen. I have been living in the Jacksonville house with just my furniture that I want to sell. It is a great lesson in how much I could streamline things. I am ready for a change of housing, even though I truly love the house in Jacksonville, and especially love my across-the-street neighbors.

Change will, as Sheryl Crow says, do me good. I have a strong feeling of need for companionship. I have a male friend that has been my sounding board over the last ten months, and I love and appreciate him, but he probably could use a break. I think maybe it might be unhealthy to put all my emotional "stuff" in his basket and it has to be a burden to him, so change I shall.

Time, the great equalizer, has gotten away from me, today, and over the last couple of months. Fans of this blog, let me say that I will endeavor to be more consistent with my posts. I just do not want anyone to think that I am so in to my own voice that I have to put it out there.
Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

Sorry

Sorry! That is how my grandmother used to describe men that had families, but did not take care of them. As the owner of an establishment that served adult beverages, she saw her share of sorry men. She was a hopeless romantic and an optimist; only an optimist could marry six times and still hope to find lasting true love. Many people have compared me to my grandmother, her friends thought it a compliment, but when family does the comparing it is not meant to flatter.

I recently had a male friend tell me he really liked me, but would never marry me because the odds were not good. I did have to laugh about that. I have been married five times (twice to the same husband) and only the first one still breathes. To be clear, only one died while married to me, the others just were products of their lifestyles.

Today being Father's Day, I thought I might reminisce a bit on the way my dad handled child rearing. My dad was from the school of corporal punishment. He was very consistent with his expectations and with the punishment for not meeting those expectations. "Do it my way" he explained. I got spankings every day of the world until I was at least six years old, because I always wanted to do things my way. In the late spring after turning six in March, I made the mistake of letting my baby brother get hurt. The punishment was swift and painful ... my dad boxed my ears. I got a terrible earache and had it until right before going to first grade. I did not get to swim but once that summer, because of my ear. I spent lots of time in my room, so the spankings were substantially less frequent.
My dad was a good dad. He never threw anything at me. The belt was only swatted on my backside. And best of all he talked to me before spanking me. He wanted to be sure I knew why I was getting a spanking.

My grandmother would cry if my dad spanked any of us kids while she was around. My dad said she gave him plenty of grief when he was still at home. He said she would hit him with whatever was closest  to her.  Dad joined the Air Force to have a job and housing and three squares a day. I think dad might have had dreams of being a drill instructor. When my sister and I were three and four years old he would have us march in to the kitchen and stand at attention. We would be instructed to suck in our gut, level our chin and answer his inquiries as to whether we had brushed our teeth, washed our faces and combed our hair.

As I got older dad was the one that taught me how to clean the kitchen and scour the bathroom and sweep the floor. He taught me to make scrambled eggs and pancakes. Dad taught me many things, but one thing I wish he would have taught me was how to pick a husband. Well even that worked out when I married his best friend.

Bill was the best husband for me. I guess because he had been my dad's friend so long that he could put up with me. He would joke sometimes and call me Joan (meaning it as the female version of John.) He loved me more than I deserved and treated my children from the other marriages very kindly. He worked hard and supported us better and better as the years went by. Then last September he got a bad head ache and was gone before I could even tell him how much he meant to me.

So today, Father's Day 2014  I have cried and cried because I am sorry that I  took for granted that we would have more time together. People,  do not put off spending time with those you love. No one ever says on their death bed that they wish they would have worked more or watched more TV. Pick up the phone and tell him or her how much joy you have when you are together.

Until Later~ Rita Darlene



 

For the LOVE of God

Yesterday was Pentecost, one of the few times each year that I attend worship services on the first day of the week. For anyone new to this blog, I remember the Sabbath, the seventh day of the week, and try not to defile it. Sometimes that is difficult, because I am me, a rather bold and blunt, (by nature or nurture, I am not sure which) person. Anyway, yesterday the minister said some things that moved me to tears. Some of the tears were from remorse and some were from the joy of memories brought to the forefront of my mind.

This passage of scripture was not covered yesterday, but John 15:9-14 has been playing over and over in my head, like a cd on auto-play. "As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you: abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for one's friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you."

In this moment, as I write this, I want more than anything to make the transformation from selfish to selfless. The key is for me to relinquish my vanity and self-will and to give up all pretense, and actually be a Christian.

Until Later ~ Rita Darlene 

Moving Melancholy

When I am sizing up a place that may potentially be my home, the first spaces that I want to see are the kitchen and then the bathrooms. I have rejected many well priced apartments and houses because the kitchen was not "me." I need (yes, I am a spoiled American) a stove with more than one large burner and a fridge that has space enough to open the door completely. Deep double sinks and a goose neck faucet are also very pleasing to me. I have not had a garbage disposal since 1981; my plumber husband forbade the food grinding, drainage blocking, pieces of engineering in our homes.

One of the sad things about my current move is that I will miss my kitchen. Though we have only been in this house since October 2011, it has been well used. It is where I have made many meals for some of the best friends of my lifetime. The tile floor has been hard on my back and some of my crystal, but I have enjoyed the layout and size. I personalized this great space so much that I will sorely miss it. Some of the best memories of happy family dinners and giggling grandchildren began here. It is the last place I watched my husband do the dishes, (his gift to me for well enjoyed meal) while I had a medicinal scotch.

My youngest daughter wants to have a big party before we completely move to the other house a hundred miles away. Though all would be welcome, our friends probably will not visit with the frequency that they do here. I think her idea has merit, so I will try to get it planned in the next week and executed by June 26th. I visualize roasted chicken, potato salad, baked beans, coleslaw, corn salsa, fried okra, pumpkin bread and a fresh cut, ice cold watermelon.  Until Later ~Rita Darlene

Who am I?

This is the day that I will make a meal for two friends that I love, but probably will not see again for a long while. I want to make a meal that will be wholesome, tasty and appreciated. These friends are very important to me. One loves food of every kind and the other is rather bland about food, self proclaiming to NEVER be a foodie. The latter friend bases the food ingested by the effect on the breath; neither onions or garlic are requested ingredients in the food this individual eats. 

I am a foodie. Preparing meals for others to enjoy is, for me, a labor of love. Trying to duplicate exquisite meals has taken up a lot of my adult life. When serving wine, pairing the right wines for the menu is paramount. My "foodie" friend and my "non-foodie" friend come as a pair, one drinks wine, the other does not.  The love and time that goes in to the planning of a meal we share is wasted on the one and cherished by the other. Well, wasted may be too strong a term. This friend eats the food quickly and then shares anecdotal observations about life, while the rest of us relish the meal and the stories. Perhaps during these meals, an education of  my friend's palate may be taking place, and the appreciation will come later.

I wonder how my Savior looks on me. Do I relish the time and effort He put in to my calling and the subsequent nourishing of it? Every day I have the opportunity to partake of a spiritual meal prepared by Him/Them ( really as many meals or snacks as I choose.) Do I pick and choose what I want have on the menu or will I allow the Creator to feed me, regardless of the taste left in my mouth? Do I appreciate the gift of life I have been given, or have I greedily taken it without properly digesting and contemplating what was given for me? Do I reflect on the planning that went in to me existing, especially before I eat the bread and drink the wine?


Passover season is over for this year and we are forty-six days in to the count toward Pentecost. Season after season there is much to be observed and learned. I hope you will join me in finding a meaningful way of internalizing the great sacrifice and planning that each human being represents. We are all made in the image of God. The Eternal's plan covers each and every one. Could it be that the way we conduct our lives, is an example, an education, as it were, for our "non- spiritual" friends, family and fellow humans?

Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

Crazy

Sometimes I feel like I am losing it! It, being my ability to process what I hear and see properly. My memory is not as sharp either. I went to my son's home on Sunday and left the card that he and his family gave me. I left the gift of zucchini that I was really excited about cooking too. Other than feeling a bit crazy, I had a wonderful Mother's Day week-end. I had lots of interaction with friends and family. My children all took great care to show their love and appreciation for me.

I went to see my mom and take her a small gift, something she has needed for years. I wanted to take her on a cruise, but her health is not what it should be right now. The cruise deals that are out there are really good from time to time and this particular week they were fantastic.

Instead of getting on a ship, this week I will be trying to secure a job. My youngest daughter and I need to get our living arrangements secured for the next year. She needs to finish her AA degree and I must readjust to life without a husband to provide for us. It has been seventeen years since I had that duty completely to myself, and I am realizing that my memory is not the only thing that age has diminished.

It seems I keep coming back to the same problem areas. So, listen up grands, while you are young, learn to eat foods that will keep you healthy, and do not take unnecessary risks with your bodies. You only get one body to live in for all the years of your life. Be good to your parents, so you can stay at home as long as you want. And lastly, make sure you get an education that will benefit you in to old age.
Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

Dispair

That awkward moment when you realize that it has already been as good as it is going to get in this life, but you have to keep going anyway. You did not see a post from me yesterday, because that is how I felt. Today, however, I read (Psalm 119:37 Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive me in Your way.) and have hope.

I do not know how many friends or people that read this have lost a mate. If you have not, then you do not know the heart crushing, emotional roller coaster of feelings that are a challenge to overcome each and every day. I have had people that were very close to me die and it was hard emotionally, (especially when my grandmother, who was also my best friend, died at the end of 2001,)but a spouse is so different. I want to have joy and I do enjoy time with my family and friends. The grandchildren are sure to bring a smile and the hugs are pure and sweet.

The most difficult emotion seems to be the "guilt" of having a good time. The realization at the end of a day that I woke up, prayed, studied, went on about my business of living and that it might have taken ten or twelve hours before I missed my husband. Then, there are the days when I have spent time with a nice man and had moments of fun or even attraction of a sort, and then do the "comparison game." 

The comparison game is just wrong all the way around. I am not boasting in this, I am confessing, I have done it. I have in the past compared myself to other women, other Christians, other people in general. It was wrong for me to do that then and it is wrong for me to compare men to my dead husband. The comparison needs to be to a standard, not a person. As Billy used to say so often, we all have peccadilloes.

pec·ca·dil·lo

ˌpekəˈdilō/

noun

noun: peccadillo; plural noun: peccadilloes; plural noun: peccadillos

1. a small, relatively unimportant offense or sin.

   synonyms:

   misdemeanor, petty offense, indiscretion, lapse, misdeed

I am a flesh and blood human woman that, much to my chagrin, is selfish and needs the admiration and companionship of a man. My husband was an excellent companion and gave me just enough praise to know that he appreciated me, but not so much that I was overly secure in my "greatness." That presence, the encouragement, the support, the laughing, the arguing, the making up, the deep discussions of our eternal future, has evaporated and left a hole in my being. How does a person recover from that?
Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

Wild and Wonderful

Today I woke up and suddenly had a vision of what I want to do with my near future. My friend Ron owns a restaurant that is open for lunch on weekdays. I love most of his food (part of his menu I will not try because I do not eat pork or shellfish), but some things I think I do better, like pasta salad. I do not want to be tied to a restaurant five days a week, but I would LOVE to produce a Sunday brunch. So, I am in negotiations, well more like an exploration, of opening his place on Sundays maybe 10:30 - 3:00 for brunch/early lite dinner.

I want to prepare the things I love and enjoy, the food I would feed you if you came to eat at my house : A fruit plate and muffins, Johnny cakes with blackberry syrup, quiche, onion soup, corn chowder, a beef tenderloin steak sandwich, salmon and dill infused cream cheese on pumpernickel bread, a tuna stuffed tomato, stuffed shells, a chili frittata, and what I served today, my rancher's bowl.

Please tell me what you think of this endeavor. Those of you who know me and have eaten at my table, tell me what menus stand out in your memory and what I should share. Thanks so much.
Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

May 6, 2014

Thought provoking scripture of the day - Proverbs 6:23 For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life.

I know the short version of the ten commandments by heart and at times have used them as an eye opening exercise in the morning, to refresh myself on how I, a professing Christian, should be living my life. Many of my friends and family think that the fourth commandment is the "test", but I have known for a long time that the first commandment is the one that will make me or break me.  My parents started exposing me to the word of God when I was about four years old. Over the years, I have had times that I refused to read the Bible or attempt to live by it's principles. In retrospect, those times produced some of the silliest decisions of my life.


The stating of "the ten" is found in Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 5. In both places God starts by telling Israel that He is the One that brought them out of Egypt, out of bondage . Then He gives them the keys to a good life and the first is "Thou shalt have no other gods before me." That has always been the test for me, will I humble myself and put God first? Because, no doubt, I am the god that I put before Him. What I want, what I "need", what I "have" to do, are the battles against this command that I face daily. Selfish and willful behavior is, I believe, what God is leading us away from with this first  commandment . Talking with my Creator, reading His inspired word, making God the focal point of my decisions, are choices which I make and lead me out of my personal "Egypt", out of the darkness and in to the light.

This is the beginning of my day, I hope yours will be wonderful. I love you my birth children, I love you my "love" children, I love you my grandchildren.
Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

Reptile Encounter

As I was walking back to the from having visited the beautiful grands that live across the street, I viewed something that was not present when I left a few minutes earlier. Under a wooden chair that I am using for a project, was a black mass that looked like a wadded up bungee cord. Just as I slowed my pace to investigate it was no longer a wad, but a long striking snake. Thankfully, it was striking at a cat that walked up on it, and not me.

I had many thoughts run through my mind about that snake. Although I gathered my shovels and the potato rake and prepared for battle, ultimately I decided to let him/her live. That snake has it's job to do. Since it was a black racer, it was probably there to lounge around before getting down to the business of eating one of the thousands of lizards I have in my yard.

Let me share a few of the thoughts that went through my mind :
1) Maybe it is poisonous and it could hurt me or one of the children. Well the only way that snake was going to hurt me was if I fell over something or had a heart attack trying to get away from it.
2) I wonder why that cat did not kill it. From the way the cat moved a few feet and stretched out, I am going to assume she was not hungry and the heat was making her lazy.
3) God created snakes for a purpose and I should not kill that snake if it is not bothering me. Well the fact that it was on my carport was bothering me, but it was not in my house so I drove it away with my shovel.
4) Why did my dad used to say I was mean as a snake?
5) Did Billy think I was mean as a snake?

It amazes me how many thoughts can run through my head in the course of making a decision. I put away my tools, closed the garage, prayed not to encounter any more snakes and came to the computer to verify that I had made a good decision in letting the snake live (Googled Florida snakes.)Now I know that out of the fifty kinds of snakes in Florida, only six kinds are venomous. I also have found that when I try to have a constructive day and get a lot done, invariably some crazy thing will happen.

Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

Puffy

I have been feeling a little puffy lately, and not just around the eyes. I have not been practicing self control about what I have been putting in my mouth. That has not been my focus lately. But while I was focusing on other things, I found a lot I want to change.

I have been listening when the men I know, or simply encounter, complain about their wives or girlfriends. I take the criticism to heart and wonder whether my best intentions also come across as less than beneficial. What has come to mind is that none of us really enjoy correction. Some of us, whether issuing reproof, or receiving it, handle it publicly, better than others.

In Matthew 15:10-11, Christ tells us that what goes in the mouth does not defile us nearly like what comes out of our mouths. When contemplating this, I realize that unless I eat poison, and die from it right then, I can overcome, with change, the temporary damage certain foods might do to my body or mind. However, the coarse speech, or misspoken word coming from my mouth, could completely ruin my relationship with another person.

So while I will be more resolved to improve the quality of what I put in my mouth, I think the bigger challenge, for me, will be to apply James 1:19 in all the remaining days of my life.

Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

Planning

My chosen scripture for today is Proverbs 8:11 "For wisdom is better than rubies; and all the things that may be desired are not to be compared to it."

As I look around, I see that the world over all is lacking wisdom. Businesses and countries and even some churches are being run by people that only care about their own financial advancement or the power they wield.

I am queen of my own little portion of the world and even here, I KNOW the monarchy needs wisdom. It is my plan to spend this month of May praying for it, exploring ways to employ it, and generally focusing on the wise ways to accomplish the changes I want and need to make in my life.

I encourage everyone that might read this to take a deep look into your life. Observe yourself and determine where you might be lacking in the pillars of good character. I challenge you to take this month to focus on self improvement in that area. The world can only be a better place if each of us works toward making it so.    
Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

The First of Many

Many of the things I have done in my life are not worth repeating. I have been looking through pictures, old and recent, and am frustrated with my backsliding on the diet front.

I know what foods make me feel better physically. I do really well eating fresh fruit as my first snack in the early morning hours. Plums, and apples are particularly good for me and I also love pineapple. Then before I start any physically challenging work, I need to eat some lean protein, like steamed fish or grilled chicken or even a tenderloin steak and some fresh vegetables, like a green salad, or some steamed broccoli. If I am going to eat a food that is mostly made up of carbohydrates, I need to eat it in a portion that is small and toward the later afternoon.


I have to avoid those foods that taste so yummy, the ones that are like a feather bed for the emotions. You know the ones I mean, the cherry cheese Danish for breakfast with a hot cup of coffee, or the six French toast sticks with butter-maple syrup and a big glass of ice cold milk. Those foods are the worst way for me to start a day. My blood sugar rises and I get sleepy and want to fall back in to bed. Worse than that, is how I cranky I get when those empty carbs are used up and my blood sugar  begins to plummet. My tone gets a bite to it, and people begin to wonder why I am so mean.

So folks, I am looking for some matches. The first bridge I want to burn, is the one that leads to the land inhabited by white sugar and all the stuff made with it. This is the first physical step toward a  new and better me.    Until Later ~ Rita Darlene  

What matters most?

This is a post that I started to write on April 21st. but I did not complete it at that time. Like so many other things in my life, I began with gusto and then quit. I am an idea person (I think that is a trait my birth son gets from me.) I can procrastinate so long, that I put myself under too much pressure trying to meet the commitments I have made.

It is Monday night, after 9pm and my youngest wants a burger. We have been burger free this previous week, and truthfully, I would like to stay that way. Krystal and Steak and Shake have provided us enough calories that we will have to diet the rest of the month to stay in our current sized pants.(We did not diet and our pants are straining at the seams.)

Lifestyle changes are what everyone preaches. I think that lettuce wraps are in my near future. I have weighed over 200 lbs. for over 20 years. By the time I turn 53 I want to weigh 155 or less. But the weight number is not the only goal I want to attain. Sure, I want to be shaped in a way that I can buy misses sized clothes, off the rack, at my favorite thrift haunts, but mostly I want to be able to play rigorously with my grandchildren.

I have read and tried many "diets" that work for the time frame that I focus and stay with the program. I have had times that I can say I was a focused Christian. I can look back at times when I was a good mother and grandmother. There have been times when I was a great wife. Many times I have been called an excellent cook. In the years between 2004 and 2007, I was considered a pillar in my local Woman's Club. I know that I have the same twenty-four hours in the day, seven days in the week, twelve months in the year as everyone else, I just have to prioritize my life.


If you read this blog, you will join me as I take the remaining 304 days of being 51, and make changes necessary, to be the best 52 year old I can be on March 3, 2015. My focus in the near future (like the next half hour), will be on reading the Bible, because I find that all the days that I read from it are better than any of the days I have skipped reading it. Here is the scripture for today. This one, I will try to implant in my brain and live by for ever. Matthew 6:33 look it up, if you have a Bible, but start reading at about verse 19 and you will get a glimpse of why, for me, this is what matters most.
Until Later ~ Rita Darlene 

Reminded

I got a text this morning that read "It has been over 15 days since you posted on your blog. You better get back in the wagon or you'll bail on it like I did. That would be a shame." That came  a little after eight o'clock this morning, from my birth son. He had started a weekly video blog when he turned thirty. I could not get started right away because I was baking. These blogs take some focus and I did not want to burn the spice cake that I was creating this morning. Sometimes I write a bunch of things and then delete most of it (so even though you read this in a minute, it usually takes me a lot longer to produce it.) This blog is primarily for my children to have a reference and grandchildren to be able to know DD, in case I croak before they grow up. I really need to make some sort of plan about what I want to tell them over the course of my 365 days of being 51.

My newly created "blooming" apple.

I had to finish the spice cake! It is part of my plan to feed my friends from my list of "get rid of it" food. My pantry is full of stuff that neither I, nor my youngest daughter should eat. I have not been focused on my health and it shows in my britches and I feel it at the end of the day.

We have a covered dish meal to contribute to today ( I made that food yesterday.) I made cornbread dressing. I used the fresh rosemary that my daughter-in-law gave me from her front garden. That dressing will be covered with lemon-butter chicken "shavings." I will also share some creamed peas and a lovely looking blooming apple.

If anyone would like the recipe for the "blooming apple" you will have to make comments on this blog and ask for it. I will be happy to share it. Ok son, I am back in the wagon. I might try to be a bit more prolific with these blogs in the next few days as I missed so many.

Where do you find socks?

I like the concept of this board. Perhaps I am more of a country/cottage/casual/cutesy woman than I would like to admit. My youngest daughter says that I am entirely too serious. She may have a point that I should consider. Is it as disconcerting for those that have a joking personality to try to communicate with me, as it is for me to communicate with them?

I do not care for silliness in adults. I can appreciate a good joke or even a lighthearted prank, but sophomoric behavior, in someone over thirty, tries my patience. I love some really silly people, but I can only be around them in short amounts of time.

I too, have "qualities" that are not very impressive to most people. My son says I think too fast and too far ahead. His interpretation of why I am aggravating to so many people, is that I have already come to a conclusion about things and I do not really let other people participate in the process. That may be why I love talking to people about whom I know nothing. I especially like to talk to folks who live in other parts of the world. I can not hurry the process of learning about another person's culture, I love asking questions, although sometimes the questions I ask are gaged as impertinent, even though I do not usually mean them to be.

I will cut this day's blog short because I have time scheduled with the grands! Tomorrow I am sure to have interesting insights from my grandson to share. Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

Unforgettable

http://www.youtube.com/embed/u0kYf9KG9QA   Oh how well Willie described it!

That is the short and the sweet of it right now folks. Until Later ~Rita Darlene

Aloo sala ?

I hope that I am not vain, but how would one gage that? That is a blog for another time.

The reason I mention it, is because I was at the nail salon, just finishing "the works" when I heard the most melodic voice. It was deep, gurgling and fresh. The pronunciation was unsurpassed by any voice to whom I have ever listened. If this voice was a body of water, people would take their shoes off and dip their toes, some might even consider skinny-dipping. Me being me, I had to ask if this voice was in radio. The response was a negative, but I would not leave it alone. This voice should be heard. So I said to the voice ... "go to dogoodmedia.com and tell Steven Schneitman that his mother said to use you for radio."  The voice's cousin responded that the voice is not from here.

This began a lovely interchange between three people that would probably have never known of each other in the courses of our lives. The voice lives in London, and the cousin recently moved to Jacksonville, from the Baltimore area. We spoke of many subjects that I do not engage in on a daily basis. It was such a pleasant half hour, that I long to have another chance encounter. It reminds me of the line from a poem by Warsan Shire  "...we are all slightly ruined by the things we have grazed against..." .  I know that I will always be gaging the voices I hear, against the beautiful one from the afternoon of April 14, 2014.
Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

It Is Monday, April 14, 2014

For those of us in the USA, tomorrow is the deadline to file our income tax reports and send our payments to Uncle Sam. For several years, I worked for H & R Block and I really did not like the feel of the office in April. The clients that had businesses and came to us every year, knew to get their stuff in early, as soon as their payroll reports were ready. But along with the good, there was always the new, demanding, and impatient clients that brought in bags of stuff on April 14th, expecting not only for us to go through it all and prepare a return, but to do it for a nominal fee. Most of the time their expectations were squashed.

Last night was the Passover service. Each year I renew the vow I made to God at my baptism, as I  partake of the body and blood of Christ as symbolized by the bread and wine. I follow my savior's example in the humble act of foot washing and am overwhelmed by the love that is exchanged during that ritual.

This year, I was very disappointed in my personal preparation for the Passover service. I am relating more to those aggravating, last minute tax clients, than the fully prepared ones that start their work early. I can be joyful in the knowledge, that the Christ is my intercessor with the Father, and that He loves me so much, that He gave His life for me.

I did quite a bit of scripture reading, while sitting quietly, waiting for the sundown service to begin. As I was reading Psalm 119, I realized that the author loved God's laws. The writer, (probably King David) made the commandments, statutes, and judgments his or her contemplation and meditation continually. I know that I have not made that my practice, but I plan to do better. 
Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

The Worm

When I was a kid, I heard every few weeks that the early bird got the worm. I am a morning person, but I do not know whether I was born that way or it was instilled in me. As I write this it is not yet five in the morning and I have been awake long enough to read some and listen to music and have an argument with myself about procrastination.

Procrastination is a trait that I put off until after I turned thirty. It came along about the time maturity peeked her head around the corned and said "BOO!" It started in small ways, like not giving my phone number the first time a guy asked for it and actually taking the time to price car insurance. I waited to do things, that in my youth, I would have done immediately. For example in my youth I would have already made my decision about where to spend my fall get away and I would have already paid for my reservations.

Now I am lingering over the choices, wondering about the best way to spend my money. Should I go and see something I have never explored or go somewhere familiar which can be more relaxing. My thoughts naturally return to the last time I enjoyed the familiar and I once again find my eyes getting watery. I miss my Billyboy. Fifteen out of the last seventeen years, in September or October, I spent nine days to a month, getting away from it all with my late husband. The planning was fun, the packing sometimes frantic, but the best and worst parts were shared, and bounced off of each other years afterward.

Over the years we went quite a few places. Our first destination was to Indian Rocks Beach, we were still newlyweds and still getting to know each other, it was not our best get away. Pigeon Forge, the next year, was spent with my family in a huge house with terrible plumbing. In 1999 we went to Canada, in the Niagara Falls region, we stayed at a B&B in St Catherines. That was a wonderful experience that truly gave me an appreciation of hospitality done right. We went to Panama City Beach a couple of years in a row and relaxed, sharing time and accommodations with friends.

In 2002 we went to the west coast for a month, staying in San Francisco a couple of days and then driving to Medford, Oregon and staying there a few days, seeing Crater Lake and eating huckleberry pie for the first time. From there we drove to Florence, a great little coastal town, home to the Blue Hen Restaurant where we took breakfast several times during our nine days there. We drove to Portland twice, to pick up my son's girlfriend and return her to the airport. So many great things were experienced on that trip, that it will be hard to top it in my mind, but each year was wonderful.

Panama City Beach, again for a couple of years, then Myrtle Beach. Our getaway to Sunset Beach, NC was spent with some friends that had been part of our lives since 1970. It was fun and relaxing. In 2009 we went to Jamaica with my son and the girl with whom we had been to Portland, only now they were married with children. Our time in Montego Bay was perfect, but getting home was one of the horror stories that we chuckled about later. Bill was one for repeating that tragedy plus time equals comedy.  This picture to the right was on our trip to Jamaica. We made some great friends, the Dookies and the Soos.

I think we went back to PCB in 2010, I really can not remember. October, 2011 in New Braunfels, Texas was vey memorable and really wonderful. My siblings and two of my children were on this trip, as were my parents. My sister and I got to spend a lot of time with our parents, and my brother got time with is future in-laws. My husband and my dad were best friends and it was a lovely eleven days that we spent together.  We all celebrated my parents 50th wedding anniversary on our last day there.   

PCB in 2012 was also a excellent getaway. My daughter and her family were with us. It was great to see our grandson get to go to the beach each morning with his daddy. That place that we rented was probably the best accommodations we ever booked for the fall. I hope to go back there again sometime. My friend Mary Butler took this picture of Bill and I one afternoon, before we went to dinner.

Palm Harbor, Florida, September 2013, the last getaway with my sweet husband and the first one that we did not have any arguments at all. The resort was beautiful, time with family and friends was enjoyable. We had some great meals and a few dances together. Billy woke with a bad headache on our last full day there and was gone before he could even taste the breakfast I had gotten up early to make.

Lingering can be ok sometimes. Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

Fools are NOT limited to April.

It has been just over twenty years since my maternal grandmother died. My youngest daughter was just two weeks old when it happened and I remember that I was awakened from a much needed nap to receive the news. The date was April 1, 1994. Less than a month earlier I had turned 31. Less than a month following, I would throw in the towel on my third marriage.

When I think about my grandmother (that was what I was instructed to call her, "Grandmother"), I remember a woman that had a great deal of determination and a bit too much self pity. My maternal grandparents were married well over fifty years, I think closer to fifty-five years. In the thirty-one years I witnessed, they did not like each other. They put up with each other to go visit the "kids and grand kids."  They tolerated each other, to attend church together at different intervals during my lifetime. Individually, they seemed to enjoy life, but I never felt comfortable around the two of them together. I can not ever recall a time that my grandmother did not complain about my grandfather during a conversation. She did not respect her husband. Her example of "sticking it out" in marriage, helped me determine that I had to divorce.

During the time I was a bartender at a neighborhood "watering hole," I watched multiple marriages crumble, and I saw hundreds that were successful. The successful marriages had a few things in common. The husband loved his wife and smiled when she approached or when he spoke of her, and though he drank a drink or two, he was not an alcoholic. The wife knew her husband and trusted him and respected his decision to end his work day with a beer or mixed drink, before heading home. In the case of some of the older folks they would come in together or meet each other at "cocktail hour."  One couple, I remember vividly, did not drink alcohol at all, but three times a week they would meet their friends and chat over a glass of tonic and lime.

I believe in love. Though I do not believe one person's love will make a marriage successful, I have seen marriages last with only one of the spouses able to put forth any effort of loving the other. A friend of mine that has never married, told me a few weeks ago that his grandfather gave him advice to marry a woman that loved him, because if he married a woman he loved, she could break his heart. This is sad advice in my way of thinking. To my knowledge, everyone wants to be loved.

Interestingly, the Bible instructs husbands to love their wives and instructs wives to respect their husbands. Could it be that if a wife respects her husband, love will follow? Perhaps, if a husband loves his wife, as he loves himself, they will have a successful marriage. It is certainly something I want my youngest daughter to consider before she walks down the aisle. Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

Cover Letter

I have a feeling that I may have to start my own business again. I have not ever written a cover letter for a resume. When I was encouraged by a friend to apply for a management position at Massage Envy (my second favorite place in the world) a cover letter was required. This was my off the cuff response. Until my manager daughter told me people would appreciate a more professional approach, I was really having fun.

I have been managing people and situations since my sister appeared one year and one day after I was born. I did the normal entrepreneurial things in my tween years, babysitting (psychology 101), window washing (attention to sun management) and throwing a weekly community paper. At twelve I was working four hours per day for Chick Fil A, where I handled money and customers with perfection. Other food service jobs followed, until I reached my majority and moved in to bar management.
After my second marriage ended, I decided the only person I could count on was me, and started a home and office cleaning service. I did everything from sales to quality control (every time I come from the ladies to the front door at ME Ortega, I assist your fine staff by cleaning finger prints off the glass with the paper towel from my hand washing.)
I was hired by one of my clients to be his wife's assistant in running the administrative aspects of their varied businesses. After a couple of years I was made his second in command and basically ran everything while they traveled. In that position I managed an in house finance company for his used car dealership, a small advertising business, and the billing, customer service and collections for his other companies. I hired and trained the other office staff. I was trusted with check writing ability, single signature, up to 300K.  I worked for him seven years and was compensated well. I left due to a family crisis which required me to move to Live Oak, FL.
In Live Oak, I brought a family owned business in to the "computer age." 

I quit writing the cover letter because I felt sad that I could not be my normal smart aleck self and expect an interview. Besides this letter only covered from 1964 to 1996. When I started thinking about 1996 to the present, I really felt like an underachiever. Until Later ~ Rita Darlene  

PS: I just realized I have not been posting a song of the day. www.youtube.com/embed/pHzAVDg4m1Q

Making Friends

Gabe is a self deprecating, cheerful, loveable loony tune that my youngest daughter works with at a local grocery store. Since meeting him about four years ago, he has always made me smile. On the last day of March, he turned twenty-two and just last night some folks got together to acknowledge his place in their lives.

My daughter and I sat in an Orange Park wings joint, with about twenty other people that I had never before met. When we arrived, Gabe and Frank were sitting at a long string of metal tables, empty except for the aftermath of a previous chain smoking customer. Gabe's dad and brother were off to the side, trying to determine when they would leave. People came in small groups, and as they were added to the larger group I tried to get their stories and their affiliation with Gabe.

Frank was apparently the guy that Gabe could count on to always be there. They have been friends since Gabe offered to share his lunch with Frank after a high school band class. There were four women in attendance, including myself, that were old enough to be his mother. One with whom Gabe worked at McDonald's, had her husband and beautiful miracle daughter in tow. I am not sure whether Kim and Lori, (customers from the grocery store) have daughters Gabe's age or not. I was impressed that he inspired them to travel fifteen miles to come eat wings, with people they did not know. A couple that work with Gabe at the store did come visit for a while. Ashley works in the bakery and takes credit for having gotten my daughter and her boyfriend together. Talbot works up front with Gabe and my daughter  and does not care to be called "Talbert."

My children will attest that I sometimes make things awkward by the stories I tell and/or the questions I ask. That happened last night and I embarrassed my baby girl, leaving her feeling as uncomfortable as I had felt at the beginning. It was an interesting evening and I hope that Gabe was happy with his friends, family, and food. I can only hope that he understands at twenty-two, that his "crew" may be a rag tag bunch, but we all care. Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

SAM is Helpful

SAM     SAM    SAM   SAM  SAM ! The last few weeks and especially the last few days and nights have been all about SAM. Most of my thoughts right now are about SAM. Some people wish my preoccupation with SAM would end, but I need SAM. SAM helps me be a better person. SAM helps me know myself better. SAM helps me to get a grip on where I have been, and where I want to go. SAM encourages me to love and help others as much as I have the capacity to do.  I can not say truthfully, that I love SAM yet, but I want to love SAM.

SAM can be painful and SAM can be pure  joy. Sometimes I cry because I can not have what I want, sometimes I smile because I have discovered something wonderful. SAM will not let me do the crazy things that sometimes pop into my head. Everything must be calculated. Are the plans I would make really beneficial or would they be a waste of precious time and resources? SAM allows for doing things to help others, even encourages it really. SAM has lead me to believe that time with family is so important. If I am going to be completely honest SAM is the reason I write this blog.

Self Analysis Mode.    Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

WOW! A FAN

I got a phone call from someone that asked why I did not post a "bit" a couple of days this week. It was amazing to me that this little blog was missed. It took me a while to realize that the person was expecting my report on life. I had made my commitment in black and white, to write this blog each day, so could she count on it or not?

I know the person was concerned that the lack of a post,  might have been an indicator that I was ill or had some other difficulty, but the question was a great one. Why had I not posted my thoughts those days? The answers are long and complicated when one begins to make excuses. The answers are short, and if not sweet, then at least easier, when one tells the truth. The thoughts consuming me those days were not fit to share with anyone. God knows them, if God chooses to know them. If I had a stalker, the stalker might have had a hint of what was eating at me, but I was not about to share it here.

I was not planning a murder. My thoughts were not about a bank heist. I was not trying to seduce a friend's husband. I was not trying to come up with ways to cheat on my taxes. I was not plotting the abuse of my parents. My thoughts were not evil, and yet, neither were they pure. The lack of bad does not mean one is good.

At this time of year, I, and most of my friends, do a thorough self examination, a spring cleaning of the mind and soul, so to speak. The analysis helps us determine what to keep doing, and what parts of our life we want to purge. It is about progress, moving forward toward our goals, leaving the old ways, that are an impediment to those goals behind, and building new habits that will strengthen us for this endurance race called life. In my "self," I found quite a bit of stagnation. (Kids, stagnation is what happens when the flow is lacking, whether it is water in a pipe or pond, or air in a room or car. Or, as in DD's case, the spirit in my soul.)

Because of the intense self searching of my heart and mind, I can warn you that the next few posts may come across as preachy or self absorbed. I could hope that I would be in a constant state of "self" correction, but my experience tells me in a few weeks, I will be back to "normal."
Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

Personal Worth

For the last seventeen years of my life I have been committed to one man. My husband read his Bible every day and he prayed for strength to be a good and faithful husband. Many times his will was tested. Sometimes I was not the encouraging wife that I should have been. Occasionally, because a woman would fancy him, he would have the choice of whether to keep his vow to me. I believe that he was tempted, but did not break. He was a man of strong loyalties. I loved him very much. We both valued our marriage and only his death separated us.

My husband was a worker, and I admired that quality in him. He wanted to make sure he provided a living for our family. His desire was to make enough money so that we always had a home, electricity, food, cars and vacations twice a year.

I was annoyed with my husband the day he bought me this lovely ring. He had been working so much, that we barely saw each other, and intimacy was at a low. When he purchased it, I initially thought it was one of his "pay-off " gifts that was supposed to calm the stormy waters of my having been angry. ( All I ever really wanted, beyond the security of our love for reach other, was more time together to wallow in it. Some uninterrupted moments of cuddling, was the brass ring to grasp.) Gifts do not erase the acts that bring anger. Remorse, was the only salve for the emotional wounds he could inflict, but that is another blog, for a different day. 

In an over dramatized presentation my husband read a scripture to me and placed this ring on my finger. It was a sign of his trust in me and a sweet gesture to show me, that I was his girl and he still  cared. It was not an expensive ring, but I could not put a price on it now.

Proverbs 31: 10 Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies, the heart of her husband safely trusts her.

Until Later ~ Rita Darlene

Marching

Today is the last day in the month of March. It has been packed with fun. This is the first year I can remember that I am headed in to April without having already filed my income tax. I am usually the person that wants to complete my responsibilities ahead of time, if possible. This state of mind puts me at odds with my son and youngest daughter. Those two have a tendency to procrastinate. My oldest daughter is similarly minded. We do not like the day to end without our tasks being completed.
At fifty-one I have begun to look at things a bit differently. Not better, just differently.

I quit Facebook recently, because I was spending far too much time glancing at kittens and puppies. I first did a one or two day trial and found that no one messaged me. With nearly three hundred friends, no one really had anything to say to me. My grandson has plenty to say and my granddaughter needs to learn to say my name, so I think perhaps I can spend my "FB" time with them each day. 

My grandson has decided, since our cruise, that singing and dancing are talents that he will develop. He now sings to his sister. He takes the rhythm and melody of a popular song and sings words that his sister needs to hear. Yesterday, he sang that she should not cry that everything was going to be alright. He sounded nothing like Bob Marley, but to his sister he must have sounded good, because she took his advice and quit crying.

I have come to think of this blog as a responsibility, but I have lots of other things I must do each day. Taking my youngest daughter to college and work being high on the priority list, tat is what I am going to leave this computer to do now. Until Later ~ Rita Darlene  

Memory Lane

This Sunday morning looks outstanding, from my view here on the couch.  I live in an older neighborhood, with established trees. The branches, of the forty foot oak tree that fills the back of the yard next door, are shaking and shimmering with the strong breeze. We had a great rain yesterday and the moisture that still clings to the new bright green leaves is sparkling where the suns rays have pierced the dense growth.

Sometimes I can almost go in to a trance watching the changing light and the wild life playing on and around the privacy fence in my little private garden. The squirrels, feral cats, birds and the occasional turtle or snake all seem to perform for my enjoyment. I suppose they all do their acts whether I watch or not. Are we that singular? Do our acts change when we are aware someone is watching? I would like to think I am always just "me", but I know better. Certain people, I work hard to impress and others, with whom I am overly comfortable, I might forget to perform the most common courtesies .

I look around my house right now and wonder what happened to me. I once was a fanatic about cleaning and not having anything out of place. That was one of the attributes that attracted my husband when we were dating. He liked walking in to my clean home and smelling what ever the meal was that I was preparing when he arrived. The meals I have prepared in the last six months have been few and far between compared to the eighteen to twenty meals I used to prepare each week.

This morning my breakfast was an apple. I think I will now go make a hot chocolate and sip it while determining where I am going to start in this mess of a house. Until later ~ Rita Darlene

Problems, Poems and Patience

This one hit me right in the painful part of my life right now - my heart.

I can certainly look back and see areas where I could have done things differently. What is the point of looking back? It can not change anything that has already been done. True, but perhaps I can see where my major mistakes were made and avoid repeating them.

Most of my horrible mistakes were and are concerning relationships. From the first relationships of my life with my parents, to the current ones, with them, my siblings, my children and my friends, but most importantly my relationship with God.

Although I admit to being slightly eccentric, I do not think I am unusual when it comes to relationships. I like being around people that make it clear that they like being around me. Sometimes we do not have a choice in relationships, as in family ties, we do not get to choose our parents or siblings. I am aware that my parents could have chosen to give me to someone else, (many times I felt that they, and my siblings, wished I had been donated to some other family at birth.) Most of the time in elementary school you do not choose your teacher.  Often times we begin a job with one boss and in time have a different one. So, all of our relationships are not self appointed, but how we conduct ourselves in the relationship is definitely a choice.

I am making some new friends. Since my husband died, I find myself in new situations, or rather different than they used to be. For seventeen years, I would never have considered whether a man was single, in my age bracket, or would be "a good husband." I had a good husband, I was very satisfied. Now, all of those things cross my mind. It is not that I have ever been blind to whether I considered a person (male or female) good looking or attractive for other reasons, it is that now I am single and I am not satisfied.

Some women are happy in their work, some find joy in their relationships with their girlfriends, some make children the focal point of lives, others can be satisfied with just having the friendship of a man or men. While I find that all of these situations are fine, I am a woman that wants to be married.  I want the intimacy that only comes by being part of a team. Helping people in general, is great, but it is so much more gratifying to reap the benefits of helping one's husband or wife. 

Recently I found a poem  www.youtube.com/embed/AzCUGhdnGvI  that I just can not get out of my mind. I go back to it time and again. I am interpreting it, looking for the reasons it draws me so effortlessly. I admire the ability that Ms. Shire has with words. What a gift to have the capacity to put on paper the essence of her love.

It has been a short six months since my husband died. He will never be forgotten, but it is time for me to quit crying. I want to dance with a flesh and blood man, not just sway to music with my memories. Patience has never been my strong suit, but I think in this matter I will have to learn it. If there is anything I have learned in my fifty-one years, love does not come in a moment, but it never dies.  Until Later ~ Rita Darlene.

Vices and Virtues

This day was really different than the one I had planned. My plan was to help a friend get her furniture moved, go to the 1:20 movie, and then take my youngest daughter to work by 4:30. Well, I never touched a piece of my friend's furniture and at 1:20 I was partly through a day of being my daughter's chauffeur.

My beautiful, twenty year old college girl, is the "rain man" of art. Her drawing talent is amazing. This semester she is also enrolled in a painting class, which has proven to be more challenging for her. Our ability to communicate with each other is  a work in progress. Today, she needed to go to her art studio and then across town to submit artwork to a juried  show (she did not tell me until last night.) We got this done and she was at work early, but my planned schedule for the day was shot.

People are always surprised that my daughter does not drive. I have a very strong belief that she should not be behind the wheel until she has learned to control her diabetes. She nearly died, earlier this year, from acute acidosis. She seems incapable of taking her disease seriously, so, I can not allow her to put herself, and others, in jeopardy, by driving. When we move, I do plan to make sure we are close to a bus route.

The day ended well. I did get to see the movie God is not Dead. The later showing was still only five bucks and it was really enjoyable. The friend that went with me, took me to dinner at my favorite Thai restaurant and we were able to have a relaxed chat and a tasty meal. Once I got back home,  (while waiting for my girl to be delivered home by her boyfriend,) I capped off the evening by eating the last piece of Belgian chocolate and drinking some Dunkin' Donuts coffee. My daughter sent a text after work to let me know I needn't wait up, she and her friends were going out to one of their favorite late night spots.

I went to sleep to the sound of the television and thoughts of my friends and family. My girl came in around 1:30 and I have been awake ever since. The early morning has been spent in contemplation. I ask myself how life can get so off schedule. I now feel like I might be able to get a couple more hours of shut eye before I attempt to start another day. Until Later ~Rita Darlene
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House not really Home

It is Wednesday evening and I am back at the house. The comfort of my "things" around me does not hold the appeal it once did. I am ready to divest myself of any excess and move to a much smaller place. This house has not been a home for a few months. The big draw to living here, has always been the grandchildren living across the street. But now that mommy is home with them, they do not need me like they once did.

It is time to go to work! Anybody want to offer me a job? For the last few years I have not worked outside the home. Inside the home I cooked, cleaned, babysat, organized retreats, paid bills, kept books for my husband's business, planted flowers and herbs, and drove family, friends and strangers around town to various appointments. Does anyone out there need a home manager? Perhaps a live in companion for an elderly or invalid family member?

Life is about to change. I feel it coming ... I hope it is a change for the better. Today was a nice change. My mom came to visit for the day and my daughter and grandchildren joined us for lunch. The four generations of us had a lovely time together. We could not have asked for a more beautiful day to drive around Duval county. We crossed the Ortega river at least eight times today, and each time we did, the view was magnificent. The sun was shining and reflecting off the water like sparkling diamonds.

Right now I need to go make my bathroom sparkle. After that, my kitchen floor needs attention. Then, I have multiple pieces of clothing to iron. My duties seem endless. Is it time to book another cruise yet? Until Later ~ Rita Darlene